be balanced

This week I will try and be mostly balanced with regards my “disturb” intake.

I’ve been meditating for an hour every night before bed for 3 days now. Apparently its called Yoga Nidra, and you’re supposed to be awake for it…but I cant stay up that long. I made it 5 mninutes in all three times, and passed out. My “teacher” said that its ok to fall asleep, but to practice staying awake. How the hell can i do that??

This week I’m thinking about being balanced with my time. Trying to get some things that I want to do in a day done, without feeling crap for not doing enough. Time to stop quantifying I think. Just spend less time daydreaming on my ass.

on meditating a little more. I find that certain days I can really focus on it, and others i feel a little silly. Im not sure my ryhthm yet, but I know ill find it. I love to listen to certain music, and I find that even that alone sometimes helps me focus on life. I’ve been taking daily vitamins, and probiotics to help with the belly and feeling well. And a lot with esential oils. I feel great today. Lets see if it lasts!!!

This week I want to be balanced with my hands. I make sandwiches to get by and I want to be able to do things separately and together in perfect harmony and balance. I’ve noticed sometimes I do it without thinking, but I think you can put yourself in that mind-set by thinking. Or thinking about not thinking and then not thinking. But there is some thinking or mental effort involved. Even in this stream of consciousness examination of the idea.

Huzzah!

is fantastic. But again, exhausting. Its great going through each day trying to be as positive as possible. Rather than having any negative thoughts, make everything as positive as you can. Altho I’ve had a few setbacks and sad news lately…Im really trying as hard as I can to understand why. And make it more positive. Its hell. But worth it in the long run, I hope.

it is so completely frustrating. i have been on a total physical fitness kick lately. which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. but just two weeks ago, i was all about exploring spirituality. reading books, etc. i just hate how i fluctuate so wildly from one project to the next or one extreme to the other. i just don’t know how to stop. i’m starting yoga today. again. i have to stick with it because i know that when i do, i am more calm and not so flighty.

i am the sort of person who figures that if something is worth doing, then its worth doing right. which is a blessing and a curse. when i do something, i obsess about it and it is done well. but i sometimes don’t even start things i should because i can’t finish them right now or do it ‘right’. i need to work on balancing out a little. not everything is going to be perfect or big or everything i imagined. and thats ok.

I find my self stumbling through life in stage of extremity. Times when I am focused on growth in only one area of life while the rest atrophy. I wish to grow in all direction instead of just one at a time.