Find balance in my emotions

I have discovered that the only real way I can have balance in my emotions right now is to get used to the idea of not being with Megan. If I can do this then I might be able to salvage what scraps of sanity I have left. The way I figure it is that if I am used to not being with her and it turns out we try again to be together…It will be a bonus I didn’t expect. It isn’t easy to get over 3 years worth of close companionship through some of the roughest things we have ever been through but that’s my goal.

all through your life you are confronted with moments when, in everyone’s best interest, it is better to hold in feelings that may well up inside. I am having a hard time with this currently. The other thing is to not jump to conclusions too hastily when dealing with emotion. I saw my ex girlfriend today and I blew it. I know I did. She was there with her new friend who, she tells me, is ONLY a friend and that she is not trying to hook up with anyone. I am still unsure what we are currently and I am waiting on her to let me know. I don’t know if we are going to try and make it work or if it is really over. I tried to kiss her today and she pulled away. My first assumption was that she didn’t want to kiss me in front of the guy she is hooking up with and I got mad. I sat down and thought about it and the far more likely reason for it is that we are broken up, because of mistakes on both our parts, and she doesn’t want to blur that line right now because she is unsure as well. She kissed me and climbed onto my lap last time she was actually at home here with me even though we were “broken up” at the time but it just raised my hopes and expectations that things were getting good again. I don’t know 100% for sure but I am hoping she is trying to avoid that confusion between us so if we do work out it is 100% and if we don’t there are no “physical moments” involved that blur the line between love and simple physical desire for one another. If she is with this other guy I don’t know what I would do. That isn’t an accusation…I really believe her when she says they are just friends. This is where my first assumptions about things based on the emotional melting pot I have inside right now has caused me to be an ass. I am really trying to be better. Like all things it takes time.