save myself

No time like the present – I will start by doing what I enjoy doing more then anything – writing…its what I’m passionate about – writing and helping others, being an inspiration…
Maybe when I save myself from myself then someone will fall in love with me and life wont be a reason for it not to work…maybe they will fight along side of me, and not force me to let them go…and then I’ll find happiness with them not because of them. Pipe dream? yeah…right now it seems kinda impossible.

alot of things about myself and my past relationships and why I am jaded…sadly how long I have been jaded and the real reasons why I am the way I am. I know I need to change a lot about me if I am ever going to truly be happy – I just don’t know how to do it!

I may think I’m crazy, but I surely DON’T need meds to tell me I’ll be fine. I guess this says, I’M DONE with this goal. =)

Not only am I abstinent… I am happy that I am doing this!

I am at work and I need to go underground, into a particularly dangerous part of the mine and I’ve just noticed that I have received 666 cheers (not many I know). Generally I am not superstitious but this is one number I refuse to mess with. I will sit here safe, waiting until this number leaves my realm.

• Have my cake and eat it too
• Learn to say no
• Save my love before I destroy myself
• Stop doing what I know I shouldn’t
• Do my own thing/Live my own life and let others make their own mistakes

The biggest thing stopping me saving myself is my belief that I can not safe myself and save someone else at the same time. Ive invested too much time, emotional energy, heartache, too many people have cried too many tears for me to give up now, my goal is closer than it was but still so far away. I guess I have this strange addiction
mini-mix-19-05-2006-08-StrangeAddiction.mp3