He just appeared from out of nowhere. We are friends, only friends and nothing but friends. And I just want to point out that I have no crush on this guy, I just like being his friend. I generally kda like to be around smart people and he is absolutely smart!
One thing I don’t like is that he always plans for both of us to meet and I tell him to confirm before a day but I receive neither a phone call nor a text message the day before we were supposed to meet! Or on the day itself, or even the day after!!
And I start convincing myself that he may forgot or just too busy, but this did not happen only once or twice, but always!!
We have managed to meet once, and it was not a date – again, we are friends – and the place was nice and relaxing, we drank our coffee and talked. I think it took almost an hour there.
But I still don’t know him very well. One day I felt so vulnerable reminding him about our next meeting that HE planned for, but he did not text back. Two days later he called apologizing that he was so freakin busy to remember! Sorry but this is so rude.
I felt silly that I barely know the guy and I am giving the whole thing all this attention. I asked myself many times why he is doing this. If he was trying to avoid me by any means why on earth do he plans for meetings and then suddenly disappear?
But honestly this is why I do when I have nothing else to do; I start thinking about very unimportant things, majoring the minors, asking myself questions while at the same time I don’t really care about how the answer is going to be. And I don’t like that feeling of me forcing myself on other people.
Better to keep myself busy with my books ‘cause I get so exhausted of this over-thinking thingie.
So let’s go back again to what we were talking about, what was I talking about? Ooh yes the weirdo smartie guy and me feeling vulnerable of texting first. The word ” Vulnerability “reminds me of two Brene Brown TED talks and I decided to watch them again, since I have a long term goal of ” trying to understand myself ”.
But before watching the two videos again, I left my prejudice back behind, and texted him first, reminding him that we were supposed to meet this weekend as HE planned, yes yes you guessed right! He called back asking what I was talking about!!! Then I told myself: “Oh no I should have expected that! It is happening again for the 43853729th time!!”. Awkward silence. Then I wanted to punch myself in the face for texting first at the first place. I felt so stupid like I am forcing myself on this guy. I do have male friends from college and outdoor voluntary activities and they are all cool and everything, I just can hardly understand what is wrong with this one.
After that awkward phone call, I wrote it down in a paper: “I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER TEXT HIM FIRST AGAIN”. That vulnerability feeling is awful, no one could doubt about that, and only one sentence came to my mind which was:
“بتحطي نفسك في مواقف بايخاااااااااااااهـ”
Then I watched the two Brene Brown TED talks, and it turned out as she explained that we understand vulnerability the wrong way. Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability is pure courage, emotional risk, exposure, it is our most accurate measurement of courage.And it is the birth place of creativity, innovation and change.
Quoting: ” Our culture is obsessed with perfection and hiding problems ”.
So I am a courageous girl lol !! :D 1 month ago