join the peace corp

I got written information from the Peace Corp today. On it was a list of things that automatically disqualifies you from joining. One of the things was multiple mental health diagnoses (some). So I stare at it because, thats me. I have OCD but it is controlled for the most part (which is acceptable) but I also have PTSD. Which is think is cyclic, I have OCD because I have PTSD. Thats why Im in pyschotherapy. Change the way you view and react to the trauma, change the behavior. Studies show this.
I got the email for the NY rep and emailed her. Lets see what she has to say. First though, I should check with my psychiatrist Wednesday and find out what my true diagnosis is listed as. Maybe he only has me as one or the other.
Im trying to not let my heart sink. Sometimes you want something really bad, you just have to work harder to get it.

I think its over with me and P. Last night at counseling, the anger was so raw and harsh it was like I had just found out again. I packed my things and went to stay with my parents, but my step father made it clear I wasnt welcome there past Friday. Im trying to make a plan, but everything is so rollercoaster like. However, I did come to this conclusion. I am re-applying for the peace corp. By the time you finish everything and do everything you are supposed to, it takes about 18 months to 2 years. We applied for a loan, if we can play nice and remember that we still love each other, just cant be together, we can accept the loan and pay off all debt in 3 years. If I find a room mate or find a place to live cheap, maybe sooner.
For that matter, once the car is paid off, I wont need it, I can sell it and use that money to pay my part of the debt.
One of the things that I keep coming back to is that I never feel like a priority to her. Weight watchers, biking and running, then me. I loathe the fact that she uses the excuse “it will make me better, therefore it will make US better”. As I got in the car to leave last night, I asked her if we could gain 50lbs back and go live in St Louis again. We made HORRIBLE money working for a homeless agency and were fat, but damn, we were happy. I just want some of that back. Working in a hospital where the doctors make $300,000 and I cant break $30,000 is a joke. PLUS, who am I helping?! No one.
Its time to stop wishing I had a different life and start putting into motion the one I want. If people want to be there to support it, fantastic, if not, Im done holding myself back because I feel like I have a responsibility to them. They didnt give a crap about the responsibility they had to me.
Ive wanted this since I was 8. 27 years is long enough. Im filling out the paperwork today to get the application.

I thank God for teaching me humility because Im becoming quite good at it. I need to remind myself to thank him for patience. I look at this goal whenever I log on and my heart aches. I curse being young and making bad uninformed decisions thinking I had plenty of time. Still no call from Oprah or some rich person who wants me to go into the Peace Corp. Our debt is definitely less and more tolerable, but in the place where it needs to be for one of us to go to a foreign country and work for 3 years for $6000.
Working on it just doesnt seem fast enough. I wish. I want. I covet. I truly believe it is the only one thing in my life that would make me happy.
So, again, like for the past many months and years, I have dreamt of China, Mongolia and even Africa again. Playing with children, building wells, helping mothers with their sick babies and stopping the spread of malaria and AIDS.

To those accomplished in living abroad, much love to you. I have always wanted to be a part of foreign relations. I would like to work with children in India or Africa. But first I must pay off my debt.

This one has been haunting me again lately. Its all I can think about. I picked the Ukraine and China, that area. I cant handle hot all the time. Poor irish girl would pass out by noon in Africa. Though honestly, it was my first choice. The Ukraine, along with China, is having problems with the spread of HIV and AIDS. I volunteered for an AIDS agency for 13 years. It seemed like the perfect fit. Just still waiting on some rich philanthropist to pay off my bills so that I can go. You arent allowed to have debt in the Peace Corp. You have to be free or sign it over to someone while you are gone. I’m sure anyone I know would love to sign up. Wouldn’t you?
So, again, today, like so many, I dream of Russia and the Ukraine.

PS. Haunting Me by Oona is a AWESOME song. That would be so kick ass if we could attach songs.

http://www.imeem.com/people/wUzQIV/music/RFNXh4FU/dave_tweedie_oona_haunting_me/

This is my dream. I’ve wanted this since I was 14. The minute I get out of college, I’m going to join the peace corp. I have a demanding mother. She would call me ‘useless’, a ‘social parasite’, and would constantly yell at me for not having a good direcion in my life, unlike my cousins. A part of me believes her, as bad as that is. If I can’t do anything at all for me, then I want to dedicate something to other people. I really want to help other people. It would be a small difference in the world, but at least I would’ve done something.

I am graduating in May 2009 with a Bachelors in Sociology and I would love to put it good use. I want to help better the world.

once i finish getting my college degree (in who knows what) I would like to join the peace corp. I think that would be the best time. before i start my career or have a family or settle down in one place. It will be a great experiece for me as a young adult and will open my eyes to the world.

I really want to Join the Peace Corp or a Peace Corp like organization. There are a few reasons I want to do this. I want to make an impact in the world, and I want to live in a third world country. I want to change the world, even if its only a part of it.

theres alternatives that allow for shorter terms, rather than end up someplace you end up somewhere you dont like for two years