write down as many of my earliest memories from childhood as I can remember

I used to take a nap everyday, but as I got older I didn’t actually fall asleep. I’d just rest in bed. I was allowed to get up from my nap at 3:33pm. I had an old flip-down “digital” clock that I’d watch until it read 3:33.

I was a fan of Charlie Chaplan so at 3:33 I’d get up and move about my room really fast. You know how his films looked sped up since the old film-reels were such a low film speed. The whole time, I’d repeat “three three three, three three three, three three three…”

I remember having a little set of accordion hooks on the wall that I’d hang my clothes on.

I played rec soccer for many years, and I wasn’t ever very good. I played defense because the coach didn’t know where else to put me.

At the end-of-season awards ceremony, I’d always get “Most Improved.” I always wanted “Best” Something, but other players got those.

I also played basketball for a couple years, and I wasn’t any good at that either. One day at practice, we were doing drills where we had to run from one end of the court to the other. I was running past Jordan (same guy who got stung by bees) and he said “Your eyebrows are crooked”. Jordan had a broken arm, which was in a plaster cast.

When my dad picked me up from practice I told him what Jordan said to me. He said “Your eyebrows are fine. Jordan’s probably crooked because that cast is pulling one half of his body down.”

My eyebrows really are crooked.

My dad had a nighttime routine for me. He would sing me two songs: “Sailing, Sailing” and “10 Little Indians” (I bet that’s not PC enough to sing anymore). As he was leaving my bedroom, he would say “See you tomorrow, but not today” (which I think is a line from Hop On Pop).

I called my dad Papa until I was about 9, and then I decided that was for babies so I called him Dad. (Same thing for my mom: “Mommy” turned to “Mom”)

I was 7 or 8 and Jordan L was over at my house. There was a bee hive in the back yard. I bet you know where this is going. Jordan thought it would be a great idea to throw rocks at the hive. It broke, the bees swarmed. Luckily I ran into the house before I could get stung. Jordan wasn’t so lucky. I learned that day about putting toothpaste on bee stings.

The most scaring part of the incident was looking out the window watching my cat Mittens get stung over and over again and there wasn’t anything I could do about it because opening the door would let the swarm into the house.

In either 2nd or 3rd grade, we were learning how to spell each day of the week. I kept getting stuck on Wednesday, probably the silent “d” in there.

I figured out a way to help me remember how to spell it:

I like Nintendo (NES) so much, I want to marry (wed) it. So every day is Wed-nes-day, Wednesday.

My parents rented “Kiss of the Spider Woman” so this must have been 1985 or so. Because of the title, I thought it was about Spider Man, so I was upset when my parents told me I couldn’t watch it. They tried to reassure me, saying it was boring: “just some people sitting around and talking”. I think I sneaked in to watch a bit and saw some people in jail. I remember thinking “who would want to watch a movie that’s just people sitting around and talking?”

This is the quintessential boyhood memory:

In kindergarten, Aley R took a bunch of boys to the ditch at the edge of the playground and showed us some of her female anatomy.

Mathew told his older brother Paul about this, so Paul wrote a song about it:

One morning in the ditch, in the ditch, in the ditch
One morning in the ditch, in the ditch, in the ditch
One morning in the ditch, Mathew saw a pussy-cat DING DONG
One morning in the ditch, in the ditch

I remember a few verbal fights that needed a bit of assistance from dads:

1. When I was about 8, I got in an argument with Ari M on the playground. We were telling each other how weak the other person was. I told him “you’re so weak you can’t even lift your dick up to pee!”. The next day he told me his dad told him to say “At least I don’t need tweezers to hold it!” (Had I known at the time, I would have said “At least I don’t need my dad to think of a come-back for me”)

2. About the same age, at basketball practice, Jordan L told me that my eyebrows are crooked (they are…a fact that I would be in denial about for another decade or so). I told my dad what he said. Jordan had a cast on his arm at the time, so my dad told me “Maybe Jordan’s cast is pulling that side of his face down so his eyes aren’t seeing straight”

This is a great idea, I am going to start writing at least 1 memory a month to start off with.

I faintly remember as I look at this picture by a river holding my first fish a rainbow fish, remembering my dad’s face and how excited he was for me. As was I.