admit what I really want

I really want to play + be lighthearted today..
I really want to show my mentee/”LS” a great time @ the Pumpkin Festival today!

Add in:

• I accomplished both things!*

JOY back.

i am struggling with feeling love + compassion for myself. i apply this liberally, most times, with others.

is to try on this goal for a little bit, I’m curious about it.

my houseguest back in the state where he belongs. I signed on for two or three days and then him driving off in his rental car. It’s been way more than that and now he says he’s changing his flight back.

Fine.

I’m calling him today to tell him he can change whatever he wants, but he doesn’t have a place to stay past Saturday morning. I’m going to spend the weekend with Mr. Yes. I’ll leave his stuff in the carport.

I AM SO DONE!!

I want not only to laugh every day but also to have a joyful heart.
I’m making changes in my life to transform this from being a want to being the truth.

to be with someone who wants to know my heart. I know this is what everyone wants, whether they realize it or not.

My mom called last night, to share something that had her worked up in her life. We talked 10 minutes or so, I asked her further questions, and then we were done. As normal, she didn’t ask a thing about me. She called back 5 minutes later to do the same. This time I started to cry, but didn’t let her know. I felt so incredibly lonely. I asked her more things about this new issue, and then we were done.

It has always been this way. I only realized recently that I have always been the ‘mother’ emotionally.

I feel a similar loneliness with my boyfriend. He loves me so much, and is so incredibly considerate, but most of our communication reminds me of my relationship with my mom. It feels empty.

I don’t know what to do. They are who they are. Sadly, their own hearts haven’t been known by anyone. I understand that means that they don’t have the skills to know how to care about my heart.

And I just don’t know if I have it in me to be the one to reach to theirs’, when mine feels the way that it does. And that makes me feel like quite a failure.

I have close friendships where I am known, and this is what saves me. But when it comes to family and my close primary relationship, it just hasn’t worked out the same. And I feel more whole alone, with God, than with someone where my heart longs for so much more.

And admitting this makes my friends so sad.

To be complete. To be whole. To be fulfilled.
Satisfaction.
I want this. I’m finding that I’m coming closer to it.
I thought I’d still say it though- get it out in the air =)

l-o-v-e
<3
but of course.
Don’t so many of us want it?
I think I’ve made great strides in taking care of myself. While I wanted it before, I don’t think I was emotionally ready. I think I am now.
I am now.

I’m talking about being wealthy, not rich.
I want to be satisfied and taken care of. I want to be able to give back to the communities- to the world. I want the freedom to move in the direction of abundance, and help others do so as well.
To be quite honest, I’m just sick of student loan debt! But who isn’t.
I want the freedom to move around, and in doing so, I must obtain financial freedom.

Only a healthy amount. Only a positive amount.
I don’t like being invisible when I’m not on the internet.