accept myself

I’ve spent my whole life doing things that I thought would make people like me; what I thought would make me strong, and good, and worthwhile; what I thought I was “supposed” to do. I’m always frantically chasing after some crazy scheme that crashes like a 1900s flying machine… because it’s just not aerodynamic. It’s not me.

What if being unemployed, finding what I want to do, and spending time alone allowed me to actually be myself… and feel OK with it?

today i maintain myself in a high energy and positive thinking mode at work (I tried to), i felt the different from how other people treated me, I felt like everyone is more approachable. i understand more from this experience that if i want a better day, i should not wait until good things happen to me, i need to be positive first.
at the end of the day, my boss’s friend who is a hair dresser, he is a guy that i always feel like he love to pick on people (from a negative pov) came and checked my hair for a while, then he said ” i can’t hold it anymore, where did u cut ur hair” i immediately became very sensitive and defensive, I just turned into the defend mode, even he said after “i wanted this hair cut”, i felt like he is laughing at me, picking on me as usual, i felt uneasy; after, he told me to eat more cuz i am too skinny, which made me felt like my perception was right.
after i left my work, as usual, this incident was wandering in my head, i kept analyzing what he said, i wanted to make sure what he meant was he liked my haircut so i can feel better. I stayed in my friends’ house for like an hour, this hour i could not let go of this negative thought, i became very quiet there, i didn’t talk much to my friends there, i felt like i am a failure because i was so easily defeated just by this comment, i felt little bit destroyed and hopeless at some point, but i did affirm with myself that this is all a learning process, i have been negative for years, it takes a lot of time to have a complete new attitude; after affirmation, my mood was lifted up a bit but still going back and forth.

Today I have to say I feel a bit of a brand new me in the first part of the day, then when the second part that i have to face people that i am afraid of, I handled it with the old me, my old negative thinking pattern, now i understand that I do not need him to like my hair to proof my self worthiness, what destroyed my mood was not him, it is my negative me, there is a reason that he love to criticize people, I understand that and i wish him the best. From this moment on, when this negative thinking start again, i will let my infinite higher self handle it. I love today and I will keep loving everday!

i m 24 and i hate myself still today
i was born gay and my childhood friends always think i am a girl
when i was a teenage i changed myself to try to fit in
it was the worst decision ever
but i learnt from it that i am who i am and there is no way to change what u r born with (try it and u will destroy urself completely)
now, people know me as a nice guy who is very peaceful, laid back, quiet, timid, weak, sensitive, moody and have low self-esteem, i m not a bad person to my friends, i still make friends but no one know the real me. i am not happy, i am carrying this negative attitude since the day i started changing myself to be a real man
i am starting a blog here about my process of becoming the real me. i have no idea if i will stop updating or what but i have hope that i will be successful and become a good example to the others.

I often have issues, being negative about my bodyshape and my flaws but I’d really like to learn to accept those things. I know I can make those things better but I can’t entirely change myself either, so this is why the first step is to accept myself.

I’ve never been completely comfortable with it, even though I try to act like I am in front of others.

Then there’s the social phobia, non-existant self esteem, bipolar disorder. lol I’m pretty screwed when you think about it!

I only notice the flaws in me, i need to see through the bad and make the good shine.

I only notice the flaws in me, i need to see through the bad and make the good shine.

I Love Myself Affirmation
Louise Hay

Deep at the centre of my being,
there is an infinite well of love.

I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness,
my very being, and radiates out from me in all directions
and returns to me mutliplied.
The more love I use and give, the more I have to give.
The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good,
it is an expression of my inner joy.

I love myself;
therefore, I take loving care of my body.
I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages,
I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly
responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore provide for myself
a comfortable home, one that fills
all my needs and is a pleasure to be in.
I fill the rooms with the vibration of love
so that all who enter, myself included,
will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself; therefore I work at a job I truly enjoy
doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities,
working with and for people I love and who love me,
and earning a good income.

I love myself; therefore, I behave and think in a loving
way to all people for I know that that which I give out
returns to me multiplied.
I only attract loving people in my world,
for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore I forgive and totally release
the past and all past experiences and I am free.

I love myself; therefore I live totally in the now,
experiencing each moment as good and knowing that
my future is bright and joyous and secure,
for I am a beloved child of the Universe
and the Universe lovingly takes care of me
now and forever more.

And so it is.

I’m trying and every day I try more and more to accept and love myself.
But the other night a guy told me he loved me and the moment he said that. I just couldn’t accept that he did. And it made me realize how much I didn’t love myself and that i have a lonnnng way to go before I will entirely be able to accept myself for who and what i am.

a really painful goal! It’s a struggle, trying to let go of old ‘not-me’ stuff, whether physical stuff or in my head stuff. It’s like a tug of war with myself trying to pull each thing away to get rid of it! But once I do, it is a sense of relief. So I’ll keep at it, in the hopes that beneath all the piles and bags and boxes of ‘stuff’, I’ll find the real me.