Make a list of 43 reasons why you want to be my girlfriend

18. I will not embarrass you by buying you over-lavish gifts or taking you to holiday among snobbish rich people.

19. I don’t smoke and don’t drink, and if I can’t brush my teeth between meals I chew gum.

Despite this I am not averse to the idea of sharing garlic breaths.

20. My bum is not flat.

41) I’m honest. To the point of stupidity. My ex-girlfriends uncle used to say “you never get caught in the truth”. And Jack Nicholson said “You can’t handle the truth!”. Both are very wise men.

42) Guhig

43) The above 42 reasons have worked out so well that from this point on I’m looking at this list and doing the complete opposite. We’ll see how that works out.

21. I can sew, like Almásy in The English Patient:

Katharine Clifton: I’m impressed you can sew.
Almásy: Good.
Katharine Clifton: You sew very badly.
Almásy: Well, you don’t sew at all.
Katharine Clifton: A woman should never learn to sew, and if she can she shouldn’t admit to it.

I hope you cause me reason to sew.

22. I can quote poetry.

23. I’ve been told I look good in a dinner jacket and a dress shirt (I think that’s a tuxedo in the American vernacular). I own and can tie a bow tie.

24. Because I’m an adventurer, I’ll often be cold, wet, tired, hungry and thirsty when I get home. You can have fun reviving me, and then more fun when I express my gratitude.

(You’d be welcome to join me in my adventures, but it would never be compulsory.)

25. I know the difference between a strelitzia and a clivia, and I know that neither is a rose.

26. When you come to support me at the triathlon you can perve at all the hunks that participate. Then, afterwards, you can decide from the beginning again that you like me for the whole of who I am.