be an adult

Well, I guess it encompasses most of the things I ‘ve entered
on my ‘to be’ list. But mostly it is about taking responsibility of one’s life and actions and not being afraid of responsibility in general.

There are no fairies, there are no superiors. Someone has to be in charge in all walks of life, and where it really matters to me it might as well be me. I can make all the difference I want. It depends on my motivation and the amount of effort I am willing to put in it.

I finally took an adult job in another city to achieve my goals. Wow. I am nervously excited.

so by definition I am this already. but I sense that I will never feel like an adult person with the confidence to aptly respond to life’s demands in a grown-up way. Every time i look at this goal it reminds me of my failure to be successful at just living life like a normal responsible adult person. So! i’m giving up. yay me.

so today we reviewed our movies in class and one of my classmates got some really bad criticisms on her piece. she totally flipped out and stomped off when the crit was over and threw her tape on her desk and huffed and puffed and basically acted like a 4 year old. so, while i didn’t get bad reviews on this project, i have gotten some tough crits on others, and i took it gracefully (although i was crumbling inside). i think the ability to avoid tantrums in public is an adult quality, is it not?
i will give myself adult credit for not acting like her.
maybe things are looking up :)

i still feel like im in my awkward teens. when i was in high school i couldnt wait to be an adult because then all the shame and humiliation and shyness and self loathing would end.
guess what guys?
its still here!