forgive my mother

I would like to let go of the resentment and just be free.

seriously…i think i can try to understand what happened…
i don’t think i’ll ever get over it…i don’t think its right what she did…i’ll always suffer because of it…
believe me, i’ve tried to forgive…
i think the most we can do is really try to understand why someone would do such a thing..
yet…i hope that this is somehow possible still..

AND THEN I come home to hear her having sex with her boyfriend, and I am too disgusted and terrified to know what to do.

i have a lot of hate towards my mother for all the constant mental abuse my sister and i suffered while growing up, and it continues to this day. It wasn’t fair that she did that to us. She was so miserable, unbalanced and unhappy, it all became our fault, day after day, never knowing what we were going to get, totally unfair. Now that i’m a mom, i can never imagine doing something like that to someone you are suppose to love, or even hate for that matter. It really messed me up, the only way i will be able to move on is to get over it. I want to, but i’m having a hard time with letting it go. I want her to hurt as badly as she hurt me.

My Mom decided to move out about two weeks ago. I’m 16 and my brother is 10. She left because she wasn’t happy with her marriage with my step dad. I don’t want to resent her for her decision because I do think it is important to be happy, but I can’t help but think she should have tried harder to work things out with my step dad.

She decided to cheat on him instead.

These have been very challenging months with my mother, but I think slowly, I am making progress. The whole thing is about dropping resentment (I guess this falls under the “let go” goal), and just taking any action from her as a reflection of what I myself am attracting. In other words, taking full responsibility for anything external that is happening in my life as something I have created for myself. And, at least for the last few days, this has worked. Still get upset with outbursts of aggression, but if I am seeing out there, it’s for a reason.

Read more about it here.

I forgave my mother completely on August 19th, 2008. This was as at sat by her on her death bed as she passed away from terminal lung cancer. As she let go, I let go. How sad that true forgiveness can sometimes only come (by our own choice) when it’s too late to matter anymore.

i asked my dad for my mother’s postal address. part of me wants to send her a holiday card and a recent picture of my son. but part of me is worried i might be opening a pandora’s box that i might not be emotionally equiped to cope with and the flip side to that is, if i don’t do this now, i may just keep putting it off.

i know she probably won’t apologise for things while i was growing up, but i know that the grudge i am carrying around is ultimately only eating a hole inside of me..

so step one, a way to make contact.

4 or 5 times I’ve had contact with mum since she left me and dad over 20 or so years ago.
I hadnt had any ill feelings or resentments being that I was 11, 12 at the time shed gone I think.
Till last year we talked on the phone a couple times, I felt happy and content. The last call for whatever reason I lashed out at her for not trying to stay in MY life.
2 days ago I txt her, said sorry for my behaviour and she seemed okay. She asked how her grandchildren were.
Mums an alcoholic & I’ve been clean & sober over 2 years.
I want to find the strength to forgive her & what’s more important too is I make amends to her.