make it work

I am determined to keep my already-great relationship with Stephen great forever. I want to make it work, and I def. want to keep what we have as good as it can possibly be.

I found this cute picture of us from the summer, from the time when we first met. I think we look adorable with our band T-shirts and blue eyes, hah.

I met Heikki briefly when I went to Helsinki to see Marilyn Manson on the 20th, he bought me hot chocolate, we chatted and he gave me a lift to the concert hall. He seemed genuinely happy that I was doing good, that made me feel really warm and nice inside. He’s a great friend, I’m really glad to have him. We’re so alike, it’s weird; I never thought it would/could be a boy who’d be so similar and so in-tune with me.

He mentioned wanting to meet again soon, I hope we can figure something out. I’d like to see him soon too, to have a nice long chat and do something fun together with him. Last time I was in such a hurry – friends deserve and earn more time.
(And the poor thing didn’t get any Christmas presents. :c I’m going to give him something when he comes to visit me next time~)

Heikki came over today. (:
I showed him around our flat, we talked and drank juice and played ruthless Kimble (1 – 1) and watched the Simpsons.
I’m glad he’s my friend, it’s nice to do stuff with him. It doesn’t even have to be anything special, it’s just fun to be around him.
In the end, we are quite similar.

And yeah, I think we can make this friendship work just fine. n _ n

Heikki apologized some time ago and we’re ok now.
I just talked to him on the phone and I’m really happy that things are fine with us again.
Our fight did have one positive side effect: I am no longer by any means attracted to him. It does make everything much easier.

WE’RE DONE!
FOR GOOD!

He’s not tired of me, he said so. I made him promise that if/when he does get fed up with me he’ll tell me. He promised, though he told me that he normally doesn’t have the tendency to get tired of people he appreciates and likes.
That’s settled then~ n _ n

I’m really going to try harder to be more relaxed about this. I don’t need to worry about this, I really don’t.
I hate it when I’m being fussy over this, I need to learn to control myself better when it comes to these things.
(Oh but don’t get me wrong, luckily I’m not concerned about him all the time. :D I don’t spend my days just fretting about this, I simply have some bad moments. I just seem to write only about and during those moments; I guess I should do something about that, eh. :P)

Yep, I’m still paranoid, very much so. I just can’t seem to help it.
I’m convinced that he’s going to get tired of me any minute now. :/ Actually, I think he already is, but he just doesn’t want to tell me.

Sometimes I’m quite bitter over the fact that I am a girl.

I’ve never had boys as friends before so I think I’m overanalyzing everything. :X
I need to learn how to stop it and just “go with the flow”. Because I don’t fret this much over my friend-girls. :D

I just need to learn to ignore this tiny piece of me that says “You can’t do this, it will hurt too much.” Because that piece really is tiny.
All my bigger pieces enjoy this friendship very much and have all the faith in the world for it.

I want this to work.
I will make it work.
^ – ^

I know we’re just like old friends
We just can’t pretend
That lovers make amends
We are reasons so unreal
We can’t help but feel that something has been lost

But please you know you’re just like me
Next time I promise we’ll be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far I still know who you are
But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it’s not the end
We’ll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You’ll see, I promise we’ll be
Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep

Perfect
You know this has to be
We always we’re so free
We promised that we’d be
Perfect