quit drinking

hey folks, i havent posted here for quite some time…i haven’t been doing really bad,,but bad enough..i’m here again, i need to quit drinking once and for all..i’m currently feeling terrible..really terrible..i had the flu for a week,,finally started to feel a bit better, got drunk saturday and am still paying for it, i feel like the flu is back along with a 2 day hangover..yesterday i felt like i was going to die…i’m tired of living like this, i have no control over my drinking..it has affected many parts of my life.
I need to make a change.

feeling quite good this morning, which is probably most entirely due to the lack of guilt, and a bit to the teeny weeny sense of strength and control regained.

wasn’t drinking everyday so it’s not unusual to wake up having had no booze the night before, but still the feeling is different.may be because I used to wake up still tortured by the last session, and already tortured by when would be the next one? this morning I kind of cannot be bothered dwelling on past binges, and I can’t be bothered thinking about a next drinking session.

but a long time friend is flying in today for 2 months, and I know she enjoys her drinks, even though I don’t think she has a problem with it (one of these lucky fews who can limit themselves….).but that means it will be in my face, offered to me,brought to my house, brand new shiny duty free bottles of Vodka (and we have beautiful lemons here…...).So I guess I’d better prepare myself if I want to get to Day 3! and not let my arms turn to jelly at the sight of the shiny bottles.

So, I haven’t seen her for 10 years, we have tons to catch upon (children,and millions of stuff),and I am gonna have to start explaining to her why I can’t share a bottle with her.What a cheerful start….definitely have to think of a way of not making it sound all dramatic but more like a challenge/lifestyle rebirth exercise, which it should really be.depends which way u look at it.

ok, well, have a good day all of u wannabesobers.I hope I can be as strong as u

just read sobermom’s one week wrap-up entry while browsing for self help….and it is exactly what i’d like to be able to say in one week time.been binge drinking since my teenage years,and i know that i am lucky to be alive because it made me put myself in very hazardous situations.I won’t even start mentioning all the embarassments and black out situations, as they are countless,...

I have been travelling and living in small tourist resorts for the last 13 years, where there’s always something happening somewhere and somebody to have drinks with, and pretty much everybody’s only hobby here is go out and get trashed, and though many know they have a real problem, nobody seems to manage longer than a couple of dry days untill the next whatever party,live band,...
and the place is very small,and there are more and more bars opening, at this speed, every other business in town will be a bar soon.
when i first got here it was still a very small village on the hippy trail, there was only one bar, and we’d only go for special occasions.we just used to chill, dive, and smoke lots of pot in a very peace and love atmosphere.that was why i decided to settle down here after 3 years in the greek islands where all u do with the other seasonal workers is go out and get totally pissed everyday.but then drinking started becoming the general hobby here as well.
I hear friends everyday who say “F*,what did i get into again last night,and I feel so terrible, I really have to do something.I should quit altogether”,and there’s always someone around to giggle “yeah, like….”.it’s like people don’t want u to stop coz they’re losing a drinking partner.I mean we could really do with an AA branch here, but then the bars most popular with locals would close down!

I haven’t been drinking as much all the time as I have three sons and stopped drinking while i was pregnant and breastfeeding (had the very occasionnal christmas champagne,or one glass of wine to share summer apéritif with friends), and it was never a problem. i even did a whole year and a half without one drop of booze,and didn’t find it hard at all. so why do I relapse everytime, wheras as I am fully aware that it doesn’t do me any favour?

I want to be a sober mum for ever,like sobermom! that’s it,i’ll be 35 in a couple of weeks, I live in the most beautiful place on the planet (even if it’s full of weirdos and alcoholics, we’re still a nice funky bunch and still very much peace and love amongst the core of old timers…), I couldn’t dream of another house that my cute little beach house, I have three beautiful sons for whom I thank God everyday and I don’t want anymore children, I have everything I want basically,and I am so angry with myself because of this drinking problem.why do I have to keep doing it?

sorry for all the rambling, and probably the lack of sense, but it was one of these horrible guilty feeling morning,started browsing, found this site,and felt it was ok to ramble…

I suppose if I want to stand any chance of succeeding it would be great to come here regularly and check on others doing the same….

so I’ll make this day one,not listen to any giggles, and inshalla as we say here,there will be a day 2 and many more….

one week sober:
let’s go over the symptoms i was feeling one week ago shall we:

bloodshot eyes
puffy face
fatigue
bad breath
headache
sore arms & legs
ramped up appetite
negative thoughts
guilt
hatred
tinnitus
being broke
heartburn

one week later, i have taken my vitamins & fish oil pills, etc. most days, worked out a couple of times, not eaten that much junk food, maybe lost a pound, gotten some bills organized, gotten
some housework done, and have felt great.

have not needed to take ibu’s for headache
have not needed to take tums
have not needed visine
have not needed gum for bad breath
have not bought lunch out because i made it at home
frankly have not been that hungry
haven’t been ravenously thirsty and have actually been peeing a lot (who knew? when you’re not dehydrated)
have not been distracted by guilt
have not been short of breath
have not been nearly as achy (except for soreness after my workout)
tinnitus and hearing is better
no more neuropathy or tingling

Love this site; it’s been my daily destination for keeping sober. Just reading everyone else’s stories and struggles helps me so much. Last night was Saturday night AND Halloween AND the kids were away at sleepovers; why not have “a couple” (yeah, right) glasses of wine with my hub while watching something funny on TV? And of course smoke a “couple” Marlboro Lights. Had to fight the urge all the way home from trick-or-treating with my kids.

Just stop at a liquor store, buy a big bottle of YellowTail Chardonnay and a pack of Marlboro lights. Come home, turn on TV, get trashed, go to bed, have a dreamless sleep, wake up with a hangover at noon, get nothing done around the house, start the week in the red.

No thanks. I forced my car into the garage without stopping at a liquor store, went upstairs to my room with my herbal tea, popcorn, soduku puzzles, netbook, magazines. Settled in. Fell asleep at 11. Woke up feeling great, heading out to pull out my garden for the fall, a nice seasonal ritual. Will have a productive day.

I’m smart. I know what drinking can do to my health, legally, socially. But I can’t. I’m getting treatment. (intensive outpatient) and I keep relapsing. My living environment isn’t the best for sobering up, but it’s my only option. Any suggestions on how to control thinking errors?

Today is my official “week 1”. I think this week has been a huge success for me. Last week at this time, I was feeling sick and frusterated at myself, having just come off of a 4-day binge. I spent a lot of time reflecting this week. Not just on 43things, but to my husband and within my own head. The irony of life is sometimes too much to take, since I met a person in my Saturday class who is currently attending AA and a huge success as far as how far she has come to quit drinking and doing drugs. She was an inspiration, but also a reality check that i’m not the only other “normal” person who has quit…and in every day life the person sitting next to you could have dealt with the same struggles as you. Basically, alcoholics don’t wear different clothes, speak a different language, or have “loser” tattooed on our heads. Instead, we are just like the rest of the population – just not holding a drink. Saturday night my husband and went to a nice restraunt for dinner. I checked over the wine menu, finding some of the best I have seen in a long time. I reluctantly ordered a sparkling water and watched my husband drink down two of my favorite IPA’s. I thought about asking for a sip and then thought again…why? What satisfaction will I get from a sip? None. I’ll just want more. End up ordering one, then two, and by the end of the night i’ll be passed out a half-rack of bottles empty on the kitchen counter and angry at myself beyond words. I took another sip of my tonic water.

I’ve completed my first month of sobriety.

One day at a time.

I went to therapy today. Not for drinking, but for my normal psychological issues. Funny how the only thing I could think about was what a fool I have made of myself while drinking and how many of my problems I have looked into in therapy could probably have been solved with a 12-step program. I remember, at one point in college, thinking to myself how insane people were for having a drink before 7pm, or worse yet a bloody mary with breakfast. NASTY. I am now that person. I wake up ready to start the day and by noon, I wish I had a Hefeweizen in hand. I wonder how often beer is the culprit? I know most people i’ve heard talk in AA have dealt with the hard stuff. I, personally, have issues with the wheaty, thick Microbrews. Not that the formula makes a difference, they are all equally destructive.

How do I feel? I have a headache. One that quite simply won’t go away…and lets be honest….my body feels “ireegular”. I’ve gone longer than this without alcohol….but not since I become a “regular” on the barstool. Last night, I went to a bar with a friend and ended up drinking spiced cider. It wasn’t that hard….until I hear myself start ordering a beer. As you all know, it took an act of god to replace the words “IPA” with “another cider”...but I did it. For once, I didn’t regret anything I said, I didn’t forget anything I said, I didn’t right-out lie, (this is common for me when I drink, to just make things up that never happened), I didn’t spend a fortune, and I drove home sober. This is terrible, I realize, but there is something about getting in the car and leaving a bar sober that makes you paranoid. I have left so many times intoxicated, I forgot what it was like to not worry about swerving or headlights in your rearview. 3 days down…..a lifetime to go.

Today is day two. I have already started with my typical denial stages…
1. I’m not realistically going to be able to do this. All events in my life require drinking.
2. How am I going to explain to my drinking buddies that I have quit?
3. Do people actually go out and not have a glass of wine with dinner? What about wine tasting?
4. I’ll probably never be invited to another event like a superbowl party, or a brewfest. No one wants you there if you are not drinking.
5.How will i ever loosen up and become social again? I’m normally such an introvert.
6. What about after-work beers? Will I become someone who doesn’t fit in at work because of this decision?
7. Do I tell people why?
8. What about just setting a limit? Won’t that work? Just one glass of wine to show people that i’m still “cool”?
9. How am I supposed to get through a football game????

This is terrible. Its only the second day and i’m already going through these crazy thoughts of why I should be able to drink again. I guess this proves how much of a problem I have! I’m still a bit sick and hung over from Sunday. I can’t believe it has lasted this long. Anyway, the point being, I realize these are all things that i’m going to have to contend with for a long time to come. I’ve had some amazing times in the past with drink-in-hand. I guess I’m going to have to learn to have those times sans drink.