be authentic

...a bit tonight. I was actually being authentic though I think. Funny how “authentic” you can get after a few drinks. lol Nothing came of it, and I think I only half-way said what I wanted to say, but wisdom has to play a role too, and it was still significant.

It seems fitting that this one bubbled to the top of my 43 things. I want to make sure that I am not losing site of my own authenticity in this noisy world I am living in where there is always more and more to do. I am learning that this one is one of the most important.

...I’m not sure what “authentic” means. Perspective and feelings can change so often.

I’m actually making significant headway here. Probably my most nebulous goal, and yet I’ve taken obvious steps by having difficult if long-overdue conversations. I’ve re/read some books on the subject and I’m more conscious than ever of the benefits of being transparent.

...what can ya say? I’m in a stage where I’m becoming more aware of where I’m failing to live authentically. As I become aware, I can actually push on to do something about it. :)

Started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago. In part for some relationship issues involving authenticity. I’m excited about hopefully getting some insight into how I can be more…free? Also, while I’m thinking of it, here’s a book I’m enjoying on the topic: “Getting Real” by Susan Campbell, PhD.

Well, the first one is that normally I keep a journal and I post separately, but what I’m doing here is that I am posting my journal entries in their entirety under the goals here – maybe it doesn’t seem that big a deal, but I am trying to be authentic, and not try and present a certain ‘face’ for other people (even random strangers) to read. I find it really hard to be honest about what is going on, I usually am just vague or non-committal. I think it’s because I fear that by opening up, I allow people to judge me. And I fear judgement because I think deep down that I’m a failure, and the more I show of myself, the more I reveal that I am someone to be judged harshly. Sigh.

Everything is so inter-linked, isn’t it? Low self-esteem goes along with fear of revealing who I really am. But I am working on this, I have the vaguest inkling that this goal of mine, authenticity, is somehow tremendously important.

The other way in which I’m being authentic is to share more details with my friends about things that are going on in my own life. It’s so hard to do this, but I have been sharing information more in conversations with friends these last couple of days, and I actually am enjoying it. Keeping up barriers and boundaries, always being hyper-vigilant and self-censoring, well, it’s exhausting to be honest.

I don’t want to be some weird freak who says the truth and nothing but the truth and hurts other people, but I do want to be authentic and have this core of steel, that I won’t adapt things to be more likeable. And actually, I think the most likeable people are those who are true to themselves, not those who care what other people think.

Just wanted to post about this. It’s definitely going to be a work in progress.

I think the fear I have is that I will really hurt ppl’s feelings if I say what I’m really thinking.

I strive for authenticity every single day with regard to every experience/interaction. For me, this is the only way to be…

I don’t think even I know ho I am. I have no idea how to find out my passion and follow it. I have to try,