be vulnerable

mabye if i was honest with you and with myself, i wouldn’t feel all this regret. I’m slowly learning to let my guard down

I want to stop being so guarded, be more vulnerable and let someone see me raw.

I have learned to be completely vulnerable… but went to the extreme with it and allowed myself to be putty in people’s hands. Now that I’ve discovered how to stay vulnerable and not be so afraid of doing so, I need to work on the other end of the spectrum more to balance things out, to guard my heart as God tells us to: establish more BOUNDARIES so that I don’t allow others to have ALL ACCESS to who I am. There are parts of me that should be off limits to all (or most) people and only shared between me and my Father in heaven. This bible verse says it all:

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Matthew 7:6

Though it’s important to learn to open up and be more vulnerable with other human beings (since God did make us relational beings), it’s MOST important that I focus on staying vulnerable with GOD with all areas of my life. I know He would never tears parts of me to shreds but will only make me better as I expose the fragile, broken, and dark parts of myself to His light. I am a sinful and imperfect human being – just as we all are – and God is the only One who will allow me to come before Him, just as I am, completely broken and open, in all cases.

One of my biggest goals right now is to stay vulnerable. I have spent most of my life keeping a wall up… not letting anyone get close enough for it to do me any good. I fell in love last year for the first time, at the age of 23, and received my first kiss. Since then… I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my guard down and allow myself to risk being hurt… because it’s worth it if you’re not.

I came home last night and cried with my girlfriend because I was sad my best friends left town again to go back home. I felt incredibly open and vulnerable but it wasn’t that scary. She just hugged me and let me get out my emotions.

someone taught me that i would never be able to truly experience love unless i allowed myself to be vulnerable; and i completely agree with him. and even if i get hurt, it’s okay, because i’m at least fully experiencing life.

Love is the ultimate exchange of vulnerabilities.