Be a better friend

I get annoyed when certain friends of mine seem to be obsessed with achieving coupledom. But, in spite of that annoyance, I remember that they never question me or make me feel less about my single status. I’m very happily single, and although I think it would do good for some of my friends to single, I try to keep that particular thought to myself.

I think I have been pretty good friend lately. I have spent a lot of time with several friends. Today I made surprise visit to my friend’s place :) Last week I went shopping and movies with second friend. I went to drink and sauna with third friend. I also had plans to go sun bathing with fourth friend, but the weather got so bad that we didn’t. I also have asked couple other friends how they are. And last weekend I made my sister (who is also my friend!) really happy by coming to Vaasa :)

I bought a book about beeing a better friend.

Tonight a friend phoned – I guess she wanted to talk to me about the issues going on in her life.

I did listen and just chatted really – a two way “natural” exchange of news.

I was relaxed and open. Then I think I put my foot in my mouth by expressing political views I knew she would disagree with but thought I could speak my mind you know – I used to think i could say anything to her a long time ago and maybe thought I could do this again. She went all quiet and I knew she disagreed with me but did not want to discuss! lol

I laughingly said” i think I can vote XXX and not be a BAD person” lolol and there was a stoney silence.

Now I know i can vote tactically and still live with myself. So why did she do this to me?

Ah well, what I have learned over the years is that as much as i try to understand others there is no use seeking understanding.

Very few people – probably two, maybe one – understand me or seek to understand me with compassion. My job in life is to understand others and forget the other way.

I sound bitter but it is not bitterness talking just acceptance.

I would love understanding but the frustration that comes with seeking this is just not worth it.

I can understand others to a point, not fully. I hope not to be judgemental and superior in this – this is hard! lol

What I wish most in life is for others to understand me. I wonder if that is what everyone else wants too? Though some people, my friend on the phone tonight for one, don’t really seem to care for understanding either way.

Being a good friend is pretty tough at times.

A friend from work is moving away tomorrow. Our office gave her a going-away party today which was wonderful. But she had an appointment at 1pm and so I had to dump her rather unceremoniously on the curb without a proper goodbye. So on my way home today, I dropped by her house to give her a proper goodbye. I didn’t have to but I think it’s what a good friend should do. One of the little things that sets friends apart from mere acquaintances.

yep

All i do is listen to shit and crap that are happening in their lives. I guess if this is what it takes to be a better friend, I will always be there for them. In the end, its not about me, no matter how self centered i would like to be. Its ironic that when you can see someone else smile, their happyness makes you happy. Starting to beleive more that we are all one soul, it makes more sense now. wish i could do more to each one of them. I will try my best :)

I shouldn’t feel so lonely tonight. I just came from a friend’s promotion party. I met some new people and hung out with some others who will probably remain life-long friends. It was a good time and yet, I’m lonely.

I’m also struggling with finding people to do things with. D had been a fix for that. He was the person I did things with and now he’s just one of the people who I do things with.

I found a new jealousy today. As things change between me and D, he is returning to doing much with other friends. I never meant to keep him from doing that and mostly I think it was a by-product of the intensity between us. But now he is doing things with other people, things that I would like to do like visit London. And he’s not even asking for me to come.

So I’m jealous. Or perhaps the inverse of jealousy because I’m not really resenting the people he’s doing these things with so much as that I’m not getting to do them with him too.

I’ve been out of the loop with my friends because I’ve been traveling with my family the last 2 weeks. Today was kind of a catch up day.

My first friend, K, called around 11. She’s having problems with her marriage and wanted to talk to me because I’m the only “divorcee” she knows.

She and her husband are old friends of me and my Ex. So while I was waiting for K to arrive, I called J and told him what was going on. We talked for a little while about our recent travels and promised to have lunch or dinner together soon.

K arrived and we talked for a couple hours. I wanted to avoid giving her advise though I don’t know how she heard what I said. I told her divorce isn’t the end of the world but that she needs to talk to her husband. I hope I helped.

After she left, I called A who I hadn’t talked to in more than 2 weeks, time zone differences suck. It was good to talk to her.

Later, I called J back to make sure he knew what was going on and that he was okay talking about divorce between our 2 old friends seeing as, in many, ways it is like talking about our own. I hope that I was considerate of him and his feeling.

Finally, I called B who has been neglected because of my recent travel. It was propitious timing. He was having a rough day, as I caught him just finished taking a co-worker to the ER and one of his dogs passed away this morning. I miss him badly and it was good to talk to him.

But that’s only 4 friends… The fifth is an absence. I noticed that one of my subscriptions had disappeared. Paddyheg isn’t there any more. He disappeared a while ago but I haven’t been here much and so hadn’t noticed he was gone. I saw a week or so ago some of my posts have deleted comments but didn’t remember who that commenter was. So it was only tonight that I realized that Paddyheg is gone. I hope it’s because he’s happy with what he completed and he’s moved on. I wish the best for him and will miss him.

I had the day off and hung out with my buddy Jesse. We went to the beach and skated for hours like we use to do back in High School. Then I went with him to a wake. We were able to have a good time and I’m glad I was able to be there for him when he needed me.