become a better me

well im gonna have to say that right now im a pretty darn good me and i dont really have a smorgasborg of things to work on.
Id have to say teh biggest ones would be commiting to things =P.
What i mean is, i really dont wanna stay in rochester mi long past i graduate from highschool and so im gonna leave as soon as i can. and to be honest i think i kinda use that as an excuse to not get attached to the city and know my friends better, or as i put it im not making the “commitment” to this place and the people =(.

Its just that everytime i have, iv had to move and its sucked cause i miss the people and the countries (sometimes id have a dream that i was back in aus and id wake up and be like you know what im gonna go visit that guy its been a long time since iv seen him, then id remember im in america =( sucky way to wake up.) the moves were’nt really my choice so i thought id stay and commiting was easy but now its my choice, and well..i dont wanna go through all the pains of missing friends and stuff but i wanna have the awesome friendships, btw i mean like really good friends not just friend friends( i guess i just want teh easy way out eh?). I mean i got alot of friends but really only like one good friend, and no best friends. The last time i had a best friend was like 6 years ago back in aus =0. i need to work on that =P….p.s. aus= austrailia. SO I NEED TO COMMIT!!!!!

It’s as if I’m looking for the cure when I don’t even have the disease. I fret over things that are very petty and I usually haven’t had a clue why considering the things that I worry about the most are nothing compared to actual hardships. I have no problem getting a guy but my relationships always -seem to crumble- because I love like I’ve been hurt even though I know I should love as if I’ve never been hurt. I didn’t have my fairy tale child hood nor anything close to it. My mother was {and still is} very disrespectful and emotionally abusive and I used to resent her for what she put me through growing up but I don’t anymore because I realize that God didn’t give me the people I wanted, but the ones that I needed to help me, hurt me, love me, and leave me to shape me into the phenomenal woman that I am today. And with that said I want to be the best mom♥ to my 2 year old daughter. I want to be everything to her that my mom wasn’t or couldn’t be to me growing up. I’m not perfect, I’m not always right, I don’t always win, but when it comes to my daughter if I know anything, I know that I will not fail at being a good mother to her♥ 2009♥ is almost here and I just want to make the most out of my life, cherish what I have, not dwell on what I don’t, LOVE/LIVE like there’s no tomorrow, be a better christian and overall become a better me♥

sometimes i can be a grouch. big time.

I guess you can put this under evolve. I believe we’re all different, all unique somewhat. And that better versions of ourselves reflect that. I’m anxious to see what a better me would be like. This is my drive.