Stop Saying Sorry When I Have Nothing For Which To Apologize

I’ve realize I always say “I’m sorry.” I’ll say it even when I have nothing to be sorry for. My mom has even commented on the fact that saying “I’m sorry” has become more of a habit for me, and has lost it’s meaning.

with this one. It’s such a habit to apologize any time I know someone is hurting or disappointed, etc. Trying to be more present about this. It helps that my hubby has been saying, “you have nothing to say sorry about”. Practice, practice, practice:)

I often say I’m sorry, even when I don’t think I am at fault.
I.E. There was a boy that used me. And when I finally told him no, I tacked an “I’m sorry” on the end of it.
When he didn’t tell me it wasn’t my fault, or even that it was ok, it became my fault.

Saying your sorry when it’s not your fault makes it you fault. And that’s not fair to yourself.

I have a new boy. And I know he’s different. Because he started going to far. I told him no. I told him I was sorry. And he told me I didn’t have a goddamn thing to be sorry about.

He’s right.

And I appriciate that very much from him.

but sometimes it ends a pointless fight, where i feel like by “stooping” i am being the bigger man. thoughts? am i that wacked?

example: we were going to go to this party and my friend volunteered to drive, then a couple hours before she was like okay i dont want to go. so naturally i was a little disgruntled, cause everybody else would have to change their plans to accomodate her sudden change of heart. and she was mad that i was mad?? but i didnt even yell or anything, i was just like ugh could you have said something before, that sucks, etc.

then she hung up on me, and i called her back and sort of apologized, “do whatever you want,” etc. /explaining why i was upset, but sorry for overreacting…

i was absolutely not sorry. but i feel like if we’d stayed mad (because she wouldnt apologize) it would have been completely pointless. she ended up re-changing her mind and we went through with our prior plans.

so the complete righteousness of this “thing” vs. the ultimate cost and benefit of going through with it?

my other friend critisized me for it (cruelly, really. i hate people who apply morals to everything even if it gets them to a bad place where they dont want to be) like i cant believe you caved, blah blah. and on the one hand he’s right, and on the other hand, results.

i, do not know.

me (12:18:22 AM): okay, youre right, im sorry
me (12:18:25 AM): ill stop
other person (12:18:33 AM): now you’re just submitting cause you dont want to argue
other person (12:18:38 AM): thats fine
me (12:18:38 AM): thats right
me (12:18:47 AM): neither do you, so drop it
other person (12:18:54 AM): fuck you too
me (12:18:59 AM): wait i take back being sorry. but the rest yeah

At one point, you just have to realize that not everything in the entire world correlates back to you.

Deffinately do this all the time.

I can’t stand to be mad at people that I know don’t care enough about me to care that I’m mad…
Especially if I care about them.

So instead of being mad at them when I have every right to, I end up apologizing for nothing.

and the other half I take the blame…which is right?

This is more challenging than I expected. I hadn’t realized how habitually I say “sorry”. I am empathetic by nature, but find myself saying sorry about how others are feeling, doing, thinking. I think what I truly meant to say is “that sucks” or “bummer” etc., but “sorry” is what comes out. Several times I’ve caught myself and heard in response, “It’s not your fault”. These are the reminders to weigh my words more carefully and articulate more clearly. “Sorry” really should only be spoken when needing to apologize for a wrong I committed. So, no where near being able to cross this one off the list.