Accept it, change it, or forget it.

since starting a new relationship with a man 10 years older than me, who could very easily have baggage if he wanted to, i am starting to see many things in a very different light. he is not all the others and i must make more of an effort not to generalize him in that way. it seems odd, but i’ll express an insecurity and all he has to say is, “get over it” but it still puts me at ease, not total ease, but he’s right. he wouldn’t be doing the things he’s doing if he didn’t want to do them… regardless of my insecurities. my insecurities are my own, and are based on experiences with people who are not him; it is not right for me to assume that he’ll react in similar ways to similar stimulus as other guys have. and the fact remains that he is older and probably doesn’t have the same kinds of hang-ups that guys my age have.
i must accept that he’s older this time, and that while i’m mature for my age, i can let him be the mature one.
i must change how i generalize and assume too much that he’s typically “male” or a typical male in my life anyway.
i must forget previous bad experiences w/ guys and remember that this is a brand new thing… it’s own entity.
every situation is different and must be handled accordingly. i think i like him. i think i need to give this a try.

I think that nothing brings the need for this goal to exist on personal level so much as the institution of marriage. Not only in my own existence, but in hearing the tales of my friends… I sit and think “jeez.. why would you let him/her get AWAY with that?!”—whether it be bringing his brothers and sisters by the house at eight o’clock on a work day and demanding that all be fed or whether it’s the fact that he never cleans the toilet or empties the trash. One can struggle against these things, but, in all honesty, some things aren’t worth the battle. Save the strength for the big things and suck up the little things. Or so I remind myself as I take deep breaths and put the peanut butter away for the fiftieth time in one week.

god, grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

i know i am not happy where i am. i feel like i’ve been standing still the past 4 years.

i know i need to change something. i need to get up and move around, i need to live instead of exist.

LIFE is a series of lessons, any way. The sooner we learn that the better life gets…just my 2$$ worth.

This is a work in progress, as with a lot of the goals that I’ve marked done in the past. It took me a long while to come around with this one, the key being that sometimes I’d just take a backseat and let things run their course without getting involved. It wasn’t not about acceptance or forgetting (although in some cases, it could be), but it’s letting go of my responsibility, and in effect of the control that I could have, over my life. The worst thing about it is that afterwards, I’d bitch and moan about the things that went wrong.

So, my bad. Accept it, change it or forget it, consciously and responsibly. If things don’t go my way and I didn’t lift a finger to do something about it anyway, I should stop complaining.

I am, by nature, fairly tidy. Not necessarily clean, but tidy. My flatmate leaves her stuff everywhere. Not just bits and bobs that get left around through general life, but mounds of laundry on the dining room table that stay for weeks, piles of notebooks and old paperwork in the guest room that you have to wade through and just stuff that accumulates. Christmas presents that she doesn’t want are still left in a big pile in the study… So, I can’t accept it or forget it since I might trip and break my neck. So I’m changing it by helping her organize all her stuff. It may take on a whether she likes it or not quality, but I have a feeling that she wouldn’t notice if it got organized. She would just carry on. So I might do that with my weekend.