stop depending on others for my happiness

I’ve been reading…I even underlined in my book. I should probably start making notes for faster reference.

If I am going to maintain my own happiness for myself by myself, I must find a way to avoid the pitfalls of relying on others for my sanctity, sanity, safety, and happiness.

1. Getting out of life’s pits are not do it your-self projects.
2. Reaching out is good.
3. People need people, people need resources

But

People also wear people out.

People can help us but, they can’t heal us from our pits. They can lift us but, not carry us. They can occasionally pull us out of a pit but not keep us from going back. Nor can they set our feet upon solid ground.

If our idea when we come out of a pit is to stand upon someone else’s shoulders, we will inevitably crumble. The job’s too big for the other person to bear.

Maybe I am beginning to see that the people in my past of whom I felt abandoned me in my time of need for whom I felt I needed to be there to make me happy…didn’t leave out of cruel intention.

We are human, not deliverers of peace, not omnipotent forgivers of sin, nor bearers of eternal truths. Entrusting people to be our single font of happiness, to solely celebrate with us, to have approve of us, to acknowledge us, to be our divine…will only set everyone involved up to fall from grace and/or set the stage for co-dependency.

Its a friday night just like nearly EVERY other 52 weeks of the year and I am on my own. Totally. Nobody to talk to nobody to turn to. Tough luck. Thats just the way my life has turned out. I think I am a good person and have put myself out for others. Still the universe has yet to return this energy to me. There’s not much I can do about it but get on with things. Do I really just step out alone? If I want to go somewhere just go alone? Perhaps I should. Maybe I could make a list of a number of places I would like to go and just turn up. It might make me feel better about myself and appreciate myself more. Why discriminate against who I am just because there’s me and thats all there is? I am all I’ve got. How dare I wait on others who don’t want to be around me to up and decide that they want my company. Forget them. They are not worth my time. thoughts or effort. I am my best asset. I can’t forget that.

People are disappointments so it’s best I rely on MYself. That’s what life has taught me. I cant wait to leave ‘home’ so that I can live my life as I mean to go on. Get a cat or two and then just get on with my life without those who treat me like garbage and never appreciate my being around. Take me for granted in persuit of their own dreams of smoke and mirrors. I just pray to God that I can achieve my ultimate goals next year. The Lord knows I need that.

I came home from work…late lunch…the front door was open, the garage door was open, all the lights were on. Most of the lower half of the house had been ransacked and it appeared my husband and I had been robbed.

Upon further inspection, only my husband had been robbed…wait, what’s going on?

Poof…and on that day he was gone and I was suddenly Ms. Independent.

This last year I thought I could fight my dependency problem by becoming as independent and socially busy as possible. It turns out that all I did was use independence as a defense mechanism and I filled in my empty house with social events.

None of this actually stopped my feelings of inequity or rejection.

No one make you happy un less you decided to be happy. Keep expecting about yourself more rather expecting others to keep you happy. You and you only can best know about yourself

I am 22 years old, and I went back to school a year and a half ago, and I live with my parents, who pay for my car and school (well, my moms boss pays for my school) and food. Since I’m now back in school full time, and looking for a new job cause I can only work 1 day a week where Ive worked for 2 years now, I am so poor! I want to finish school and get a career and start my life! The only way I can see getting out of here is if I do that.

Still working on this but have gotten much better. As soon as i let go and let god…my world started to change. I have gotten to know myself better but still miss my husband…but it’s getting better

Today I had an awful day at work, came home and didn’t want to discuss it with my parents- they never understand anything I go through so why should I bother telling them my business? They always antagonise me when I do anyway.

If I could’ve come home and had someone’s listening ear I would have at least felt some consolation and less vulnerable. Yet because I didn’t some six hours after work Im still feeling these same negative emotions. I just feel like nobody cares.

I want to be responsible for my own happiness but on a day like this I just need someone to listen to me and empathise with my situation.

I just want to come home and have somebody who cares waiting for me.

hmmm i recon that by depending on others to make you happy is bull crap… no ones going to be in your life all the time or forever but you are untill u die so it makes great sence that it is you that primarily keeps you happy and at the verry least not make you unhappy coz i think thats my problem i think its not trying not to depend on others to make me happy but trying not to make my self unhappy by constantly cotastrfyingh (soz bout the spellin) and thinking bad thoughts about my self!!

My happiness is nothing but a pleasant emotion when “I” am happy, therefore, I want to stop depending on others to experience that emotion.

This goal would be so much easier if i got the things I wanted like a job that I enjoyed and having nice caring people around me. Real Friends. I know that my happiness does ultimately depend on me but life makes it difficult when that job, holiday, opportunity etc. you so badly wanted doesnt come your way. Then you cling on to that one person whose presence seems to make everything else thats gone wrong alright. I want to be able to do that for myself.

You have to be so strong and resilient to achieve this goal, which I am but have taken a battering lately emotionally. At times in my life I have found glimpses of happiness from creating my own happiness but it has always been momentary and brief.

But I really have to make it on my own and fight through the pain that I feel rather than picking up the phone to ring that ONE person otherwise I will never find true happiness within myself.