become the person God wants me to be

I want to be like God wants me to be, as I was eloquently reminded by my friend. To do this I must:
1.-Read the Bible to acquire knowledge of the Word
2.-Mediate on the Word (the principle learned)

Through Reading and meditation God will grant the Power of the Holy Spirit to transform us into who He wants us to be Romans 12:2.
See WWW.Bibleknowledge.com

uh, almost.

But I did go to church today. I SO needed that. Everyone was really nice, too. Which surprised me. Maybe it was just me being lame like that, thinking they did like me. Plus, I’m there without Kenny. And since we were dating, he was like my link to everyone there, you know? I kind of feel like I’m ‘in the group’

Not that that matters too much, but it does make going to church a little bit better knowing the people want me there.

Whenever Ryan gets the time, we’re going to a party.

Talk me out of it? =(

my purpose in life will hit me like a brick to the head. I’m athinkin’ I’ll just fall into it and be like, “This? Ohhh, it all makes sense.”

That’s not to say I don’t have the next ten years vaugely planned out….

Hurdle Hurdle, being a nonsense thing me and my friend say.

Soooo I was a sorta concert tonight (sorta because of the lack of a mosh pit and nonchristian music) and it was still good music. With the headbanging and jumping around, I felt silly.

But why should I feel werid? It’s me and God, not me God and the people looking at me.

So I don’t want to date a guy that doesn’t believe in God. This guy I went on a date with was making fun of me for being a christian.

I told him, totally paraphrased, that I want a chrisitan guy. So first thing he does is makes a lot post on facebook about how people are discriminating ONLY on religious belifs.

No, I don’t want to date you because you act like a baby. ^{and the other reason. The facebook post was uncalled for}

So we end up txting about this, and he starts talking about things that don’t totally relate. something about jesus marrying a whore? He talks to sound important.

but my point, a guy I date has to at least be a christian. I mean, how two people live their day to day life should be fairly similar.

On the rollercoaster trainwreck that I call faith, I am working my way back up to a point where I can be close with God. I think I need to make a list of the things I need to get rid of that are, you know, bad. So since I enjoy making lists and making them public (like it gives me an obligation to follow through I guess):

• Ryan – an easy opportunity to start drinking and partying and who knows what else
• My short temper.
• Judging people (isn’t it like you’re supposed to see everyone like jesus would see them?)
• I lie. Quite a bit.
• The fact that I’m more concerned with other things and not God.
• If hating people is murder, I’m worse than Hitler.

That’s not my whole list, just what I can think of right now. It’s small stuff, I just need to work to be a better person in general.

I can’t always be right with God. I fail miserably at life sometimes everyday. Most of the time, I don’t know why I try because I know I’m not doing nearly as good as I could be. But I keep trying over and over and over and over again anyway.

So how do I even know who God wants me to be? I know how I want to be, but that doesn’t help me one bit.

I think I had a point when I started this post. Idk what it was, just pray for me, to God, even if you don’t believe. I do, so that could work, right?

I’m pretty sure God would want me to be a happy little teenager. So you know what makes me happy and complete? Writing, stories songs poems whatever. And I thought it was silly, I really don’t know anyone else that does it. But you know what? I honestly don’t care anymore.

I’ve been miserable this past week. With college and not finding a job and a few other catastrophic things (kk…maybe not). I need to get my crap together and be happy and a little less stressed out for once.

Elaborating more….I must have spent the last three weeks moping around. I really don’t know, maybe it was two. But all I know is that I get in these ruts, then I realize it when it’s almost too late. I’d really like to know what brings about this ‘ah ha’ moment. Maybe I’m bipoloar.