be celibate forever

not one cramp this month-no idea why unless celibacy is kicking in. no coffee most of the month also but I got cramps when I’ve been caffeine free before. I wonder why no cramps this month

I wonder if there’s a way to be fully celibate without feeling like I’m turning into the evil king/queen who judges all

When I am ‘up there’ there’s no one ever there except me, though I can sense the psyches of others when I’m not why can’t there ever be anyone up there with me, who understands what I’m feeling and can help me through it there

It’s really easy to not want a boyfriend except sometimes I’d like a guy to just fall asleep next to; but there’s probably not anyone capable of that level of celibacy, no one I’ve met. That’s the only thing I miss.

I need to do some research on other planes/other dimensions because the longer I am celibate, the stranger my intuitional world gets and I dont have any guidance about it; it often seems like ‘everyone hates me’. Maybe it is part of 7th chakra experience because it is at this point where people can misthink they are God; and lots of people hate God so I am passing through this perhaps intentionally placed perception . ..people using spirituality to get ahead in life leaving a misperception as kind of a banana peel on the path

I have a theory that sexual nature is like a 2nd tail that we drop off for more benvolent consciousness

Then when the energy is withdrawn from this ‘tail’ it frees it up for this consciousness .. .energy not being created or destroyed with it being in limited amounts

I wanted to be celibate anyway, but the undertaking of it was sped up as a result of using neem oil to induce miscarriage. I hope no one else has to experience the same judgement by God that I did. I almost died and there wasnt any pretty angels or heavens . . ..imagine being obliterated on all levels all at the same time—emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually . ..I decided there was no way I could risk becoming pregnant again since I dont want to be a mother

I became interested in this goal in summer 1993

this goal started in summer 2004

I have not had sex since march 2004 and (shock) have not had any kind of boyfriend since then

Unfortunately, the longest I’ve actually been celibate is 4 and a half months; if I am living with someone or someones who are also celibate I can hang onto my own energy much easier—when other people have sex it feels like I’m fuel for it in some way and there’s only one way to get it back that I’ve found. Unfortunately.