be celibate forever

When most people hear about being celibate for their lifetime they think it mad. I don’t know what makes it so inconceivable for them. I hear a lot of comments saying “If you meet the right person you won’t feel that way” or “It is humanly impossible” or “celibates are closeted homosexuals so that makes them homosexuals”.

I had a very sexually active adolescence. One I am not proud of but it did bring some good and that is knowing that this is something I rather be away from.

I won’t lie I am attracted to both sexes but for me sex is something I pleasure not from. And when I have had sexual experiences with both and the result is the same. I feel as though something has been taken away from me. As though with each experience a little bit of my innocence has vanished. It is a scary feeling for me.

I feel there are too many complications affiliated with the experience. I don’t want to be touched in that way. I prefer to keep this part of myself foreign to others. I prefer to experience other beautiful things in life that make up for that part of my life. Just as others view sex as an expression of love, I view my celibacy as an expression of love. For I can dedicate my life whole heartedly to changing the world. That is what I want. There is no doubt.

Some may think I am off the wall for feeling this way. I don’t feel like I am missing a thing. You know that glorious feeling you get after good sex? Well I have that feeling all the time in its absence.

This is a decision I have made with not association with religious dogma or parental or any social advising. This decision came from my heart.

Here is to a life of celibacy.

not one cramp this month-no idea why unless celibacy is kicking in. no coffee most of the month also but I got cramps when I’ve been caffeine free before. I wonder why no cramps this month

I wonder if there’s a way to be fully celibate without feeling like I’m turning into the evil king/queen who judges all

When I am ‘up there’ there’s no one ever there except me, though I can sense the psyches of others when I’m not why can’t there ever be anyone up there with me, who understands what I’m feeling and can help me through it there

It’s really easy to not want a boyfriend except sometimes I’d like a guy to just fall asleep next to; but there’s probably not anyone capable of that level of celibacy, no one I’ve met. That’s the only thing I miss.

I need to do some research on other planes/other dimensions because the longer I am celibate, the stranger my intuitional world gets and I dont have any guidance about it; it often seems like ‘everyone hates me’. Maybe it is part of 7th chakra experience because it is at this point where people can misthink they are God; and lots of people hate God so I am passing through this perhaps intentionally placed perception . ..people using spirituality to get ahead in life leaving a misperception as kind of a banana peel on the path

I have a theory that sexual nature is like a 2nd tail that we drop off for more benvolent consciousness

Then when the energy is withdrawn from this ‘tail’ it frees it up for this consciousness .. .energy not being created or destroyed with it being in limited amounts

I wanted to be celibate anyway, but the undertaking of it was sped up as a result of using neem oil to induce miscarriage. I hope no one else has to experience the same judgement by God that I did. I almost died and there wasnt any pretty angels or heavens . . ..imagine being obliterated on all levels all at the same time—emotionally, physically, intellectually, spiritually . ..I decided there was no way I could risk becoming pregnant again since I dont want to be a mother

I became interested in this goal in summer 1993

this goal started in summer 2004

I have not had sex since march 2004 and (shock) have not had any kind of boyfriend since then

Unfortunately, the longest I’ve actually been celibate is 4 and a half months; if I am living with someone or someones who are also celibate I can hang onto my own energy much easier—when other people have sex it feels like I’m fuel for it in some way and there’s only one way to get it back that I’ve found. Unfortunately.