Get rid of the negative people in my life

I deleted my negative friend from my MySpace and sent him an email explaining that right now his negativity was spilling into my life and that I couldn’t be around him because it was harming me as well. I don’t know if that puts most of the blame/pressure on me or on him, but I had to do something. He probably blames me and I blame him. We’re probably both at fault: I see him as being massively angry, bitter and depressing, and he probably sees me as being a disloyal bitch. Something had to give somewhere though…

I woke up at 4 AM thinking “I’m proud of you”. It’s never easy to cut ties with people, especially friends of long-standing, but I did a lot yesterday. I have not deleted him entirely as a MySpace friend, nor have I actually told him what I’m doing—in a way it’s harsh to sit down and say “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore because you’re so negative” but maybe it will get to that.

I feel so much better today, like a weight has been lifted off me. I tried so hard with this friend, it’s not like I’m bailing at the first sign of trouble. I just needed to do it.

I cannot at this time completely get rid of my exposure to this friend, especially on MySpace, but I did limit my exposure to his negativity. I took him off all the updates, etc. I can’t stand his stupid negative updates 4 times a day. I can’t stand his stupid “I’m going to kill myself” blogs in metered rhyme any more. He won’t accept help and he won’t get help himself. It just makes me angry and unhappy. I am so done. I don’t need him or his crap. My life is just starting over and I refuse to let him hold me back. I cannot do anything more for him…..

I wish I had done this a long time ago. I think that right now, anyway. I’ve decided to walk away from my friend at this time. It doesn’t have to be forever, but as long as he is so violently negative, I will not stand in his orbit anymore and let that seepage touch me. I don’t have to.

I do care about him, but HE is the only one who can help him. I cannot make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, and that includes getting help.

Part of me wonders if I’m being a selfish, cold-hearted bastard. Maybe part of me is. I know he would sarcastically tell me “I can see how much you care about your friends”. My answer would be “you don’t care about yourself. Tell me one good reason why I should continue hurting for you? You need to step up and take care of yourself.”

Maybe I am just a jerk….but who says we have to keep our friends around forever, thick and thin? I think loyalty of that nature may be over-rated. Sometimes, it really may just be better to let go.

I have a friend who is suicidal. He says he is, so I have to believe him, I guess. That sounds cynical, but it’s really just me being annoyed. Before anyone out there starts to think that I am the world’s most heartless person, let me explain that I have tried and tried to help my friend, but he refuses to accept anyone’s help. More to the point (and the cause of my annoyance) he refuses to get help himself. He refuses in any way to do anything to make his situation better, and I am sick and tired of it.

My life sucks too at times—everyone’s does from time to time. I’ve been suicidal before, most recently last year. I was in bad shape. But I got up off my ass and got myself in therapy and went on anti-depressants and eventually it passed. I know that depression paralyzes, I really do, but I have just had enough of his bitching about how life sucks but yet not doing anything to make anything better. If it was just depression, I could handle it…

I cannot, however, take any more of his violent negativity. I have never known anyone who can be so angry while they are depressed. Not just irritable….depression is good for bringing that on…..but just downright bitterly and intensely angry. He’s not been angry with me to my knowledge, but his blogs etc. make it quite clear what’s going on in his life and he is constantly pissed off.

I can’t change anything in his life. I’ve been there for him so long that it’s become hard for me to realize that I don’t have to stick around any more, especially when we no longer have any interests in common, nor do we have the same life view on anything. We’ve just grown apart over the last 15 years.

It just occurred to me yesterday that I am sticking around out of habit. We women tend to think that we have to fix everyone’s problems, but I’m at the point where I just don’t care any more about someone else’s problems when they are not willing to do anything about them themselves, but they sure are ready to let everyone else listen to them bitch and moan.

I don’t have to take this anymore!

I am trying to do this. But the problem is that person is my roommate, who keeps bitching about me and talking bad about me behind my back. She has poisoned the minds of my other roommates as well. She is overtly jealous of me and I think she can go to any level to disturb my peace of mind. I have stopped talking to her and keep doing my work. Should I shift to a new house or should I not care about this person?

well to start off I have a huge family…leading me to have many cuzns. we get alone sometimes but when been constantly told by elders in the family that my cuzns hate on me i should of listened to them. Its just the fact that if you have to wonder if you leave a room,car,table if that person is going to talk about you or not..thats why i had to leave most friends and family behind. they try to make me feel guilty by saying that we dont hang out anymore…they just want to see what ive been up to really…well after 30 days i just stopped after my sister noted out what do we actually have in common ..nothing!!so for those who feel they have to hang out with family members because your family you really dont..and dont get me wrong i love them to death but im not going to let them lead me to death.

It may not be the best way to have started, and some people may say it’s a little tacky, like sending wedding invitations via email, but in order to reach the most people who fall into this category, I posted a nicely written (but firmly written) blog asking people to please keep their negativity out of my life. I am going through some very tough times right now (I lost my job a few weeks ago) and people who are my friends should not be dumping on me in the way they are with the expectation of “she’s got lots of free time to deal with other people’s crap!”. I have boundaries and I politely stated my boundaries and I know some of my friends will be offended. But as my mother would say (and yes, sometimes moms are right) ‘truth hurts, and the people who are most upset by it are most likely the ones to whom it pertains’. I don’t need people getting pissed off at me for the way I live my life, especially when it has no effect on them. They just don’t like what I’m doing. I’m not asking anyone to like what I’m doing, and if you think it’s harmful or dangerous, by all means step in and show some concern. Concern I can appreciate. Being pissed off I cannot.

Wow…..I just said a lot didn’t I? Well, there is something to be said for boundaries. I’m a firm believer in them. I’ve been walked over too much in my life to ever go back to not having any.

I have had too many negative experiences, i was abused as a child, i lost 3 members of my family,in a space of 10 years(brother,mom,dad. Another brother has a mental disorder,my heart has been broken 3 times consecutively from failed relationships, i have no form of support whatsoever, it was so hard for me to concentrate on my studies, i had to drop out of school, right now i’m unemployed and i just want to stay in my room all day,i dnt pick my calls i hardly take a shower,i have panic attacks,i’m depressed,i have so much anxiety, i feel so much pain in my heart, when i try to laugh,the pain is still there to top it all off, i have so many TOXIC people in my life, they are so strategically placed that its hard to get rid of them….i try but they’ll always find a way to come back…i’m being told that i am a very beautiful lady and i should stay positive…but when i look in the mirror i see …ugly, rejected, not good enough…tell me how do i see the light at the end of the tunnel and stay positive?

everyday is negative and i want it to stop.