Let Go Of Unhealthy Relationships

So the next step on this goal will be to deal with my aunt. I’ve carried some stuff around with me for more than half my life and I need to get it out in the open, deal with it, and move on. To be continued… 19 months ago

We met a couple times in the meantime and I was very relieved to find her doing well. She’s still with the guy, sort of, and I know now that he is indeed abusive. She feels that she has the situation under control, which I don’t think is accurate because she’s still involved with him even if they don’t live together anymore. But I’ve come to understand that it is her life and all I can do is to let her know I’m here for her. As for the decision to cut all ties with him, that is hers to make. I do hope she will, in time… but whether or not she does, I care about her and hope she’s happy. 19 months ago

Got a really nasty email from her… sometimes I wonder why these crazy people seem to zone in on me. I’ve never wanted anything to do with her and she hasn’t said a kind word, or done anything useful, for anyone as long as I have known her. Nothing but toxic waste coming from that direction!

• delete all emails I had from her
• set up a spam filter to send her emails directly to the trash

Yay for spam filters!

Fortunately she’s never contacted me over the phone :o)

Edit: Haha… was looking for a trash can image to represent the spam filter… then I realized that it really represents J very well! LMAO—I will forever picture this when I run into her!22 months ago

I’ve stopped reading her emails and no longer have a desire to. It’s crossed my mind a couple times since I wrote my last entry on this topic… but the emails are now going straight to the trash folder, and her calls go directly to voicemail, to be deleted immediately. All is well. 2 years ago

... turns out I was worrying for nothing. She’s doing fine but appears no longer interested in me. I’m actually relieved… I’m glad she’s safe, and glad I can stop driving myself crazy. I guess sometimes friends just stop being friends, that’s all there is to it… life goes on.

Goodbye B… and all the best to you. 2 years ago

I thought she was my friend but she really back-stabbed me. I need to get over it and stop reading her emails, as well as stop thinking about her. She’s out of my life, good riddance and never again. I feel relieved to be done and need to clear my mind of this disease of a “friend.” 2 years ago

Once upon a time I had a friend I thought was my best friend in the world. I felt we had a unique bond and really related to each other. Then a lot of stuff happened and she basically disappeared. I don’t know a lot of details since she didn’t share much with me. She’s always been a fairly independent person so I figured she knew how to reach me if/when she needed me, and thought she’d figure things out.

She’s since moved to a different state and fades in and out. I know (from inference & through the grapevine) that she’s been through a lot of difficult stuff including an abusive boyfriend (who I believe moved with her). I also know that in situations like this, you’re supposed to stay available on the sidelines for when the victim is ready to break free from the abuser. From time to time I contact her just to let her know I’m still around and thinking of her.

Thing is, I’ve found that I’m getting really depressed over all of this. I miss her terribly and want to stay in touch and of course I want to help her any way I can, but it’s obvious after a couple years that a) things won’t be the same and b) she doesn’t want my help. Haven’t decided whether perhaps she no longer wants my friendship either but it’s looking more like it the more I think about it.

I’m grieving for our friendship and for the opportunities she’s lost. I worry about her safety and happiness. But, I’m having to come to terms with the fact that whether or not I reach out to her, she’s not willing or able to maintain regular contact. I’m letting myself get dragged down by this and I feel like I need to take care of myself by cutting the strings that tie me to her but don’t seem to mean much to her anymore.

Where to go with this? That’s the hard part. I need to find a way to let go of my hopes and wishes for our friendship. I still want to keep that lifeline open for her if she ever desperately needs help and is ready to seek it, but I don’t have the strength to keep reaching out to her just to be greeted by silence.

She has my email & phone number. We’re “friends” on Facebook. She knows where I live, and how to reach me through mutual friends even if she were to lose my contact info. Is that enough? Can I in good conscience stop reaching out, and hope that she’ll still know I’m here if she ever decides needs me?

I know that domestic violence can alter your thinking and perception of yourself and the world, and your ability to take care of yourself. I know that abusers isolate their victims from others, in order to have more control over them. Will she know I’m here even if she doesn’t hear from me, or will her new day-to-day reality wash away the memories of a life where she was loved and supported? Is she staying away from me by choice or because the guy she’s with is brainwashing her?

When we do have contact she tells me she misses me; does she tell me this because she means it or because she thinks it’s what I want to hear? She used to be a bubbly person who made friends easily, and who could stand up for herself. Has he changed her to the point where she can’t see straight anymore? Or is she seeing straight and I’m just not part of the picture anymore? Is he keeping her from contacting me, or is simply no longer interested in me?

Have you lived through a domestic violence situation or been in touch with someone who has? Or even if you haven’t… do you have any thoughts? Please comment or send a message if you prefer. I’d love to have your input. 2 years ago

I hung onto an alcohol-riden relationship for years, even as it coincided with my current wonderful relationship. I hooked up with the MF-er drunk, made love drunk, got angry drunk, got hurt drunk and sober, pleaded sober, pleaded drunk. got nowhere fast, four years wasted. I made myself a sniviling, crumbling, pathetic mess for this fool. now its so over but I still feel so damn bitter, hungry for revenge and retribution. guess time and sobriety will heal this eventually, I count on that. right now I just want to say fuck you bryan johnson. i mean that with every fiber in me. 3 years ago

I knew it would be devastating to both of us to stay in it, so I ended the longterm relationship, even though it hurt. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. 5 years ago