Stop being so hard on myself

Difficult, because as of right now I hate myself and everything about myself, soooo… idk how this is working.

I love people and I love things but I do not really love myself.
It sucks and I’ve cried so much in the past 2 hours that I’m surprised I did not throw up.

I’ve made some progress, however undulantly it may have been. I just feel like I’m such an annoying girl when I meet new people and it’s really hard to stop feeling that way.

I don’t know what it was about last week, if it was a combination of events swirling around my own life or if it was simply the age of the internet reminding me that such things are possible, but I looked up the girl I’ve referred to under this Thing for a while. I sent her a message to make sure it was her, then essentially explained my over-developed sense of guilt before apologizing for my 23 year old transgressions.

She had barely remembered anything and spent most of her response telling me about how happy she is and reminding me that I should stop feeling guilty.

It’s amazing what purging yourself of something you’ve always known you needed to say can do to one’s sense of balance and well-being.

this will never stop; i’m the lamest girl ever.

nights like this are what make this goal impossible.

I’m starting to think this is something I’ll just always have to deal with, but I’m sure I’ll manage.

Just stinks sometimes!

ABSOLUTELY SUCKED AT THIS TODAY. 100% SUCKED.

BIG step today. Normally I would’ve beat myself up hard over something like this but you know, I didn’t. I had my second guesses and I got some much needed reassurance but I’m confident that I made the right decision and my ability to not do something that I worked very hard is okay with me. Definitely a step in the right direction!

I feel like I’m getting better with this one…

only time will tell, BUT I don’t feel like as much of an idiot lately as I usually do so that’s good!

I’m getting better. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better. I’m willing to take more things in stride and I think I realize that there is always going to be a certain level of self criticism that I’m always going to have, it’s having it under control to where I can let myself off the hook sometimes while still holding myself accountable when it really counts. There’s a fine line and I don’t think I have quite found it yet.

I think lately I have let up on the self criticism. Probably just because I’m too exhausted to find fault with myself hahahah. Sad.

oh well! For some reason this past week I feel like I’ve made a few personal discoveries that make me feel less insecure, or at least just know myself better, so I guess that’s a step forward for this goal somehow or another? haha OH WELLLLLLLL