stop being needy

ugh yesterday i did so well, i really need to stop going through his emails and stuff

i get so hurt when my boyfriend doesn’t hang out with me or when spends his free time with his friends even though i know the majority of his time is spent with me!!! i’m really making an effort not to be so attached but even when i try to hang out with friends instead i find myself always apologizing to him or constantly telling him how much i miss him!!!

..i also get bothered when he doesn’t text or call me right away, i text him last night and i’m sure he was asleep and at first i kept telling myself that i was going to be mad at him if he didn’t text me back first thing in the morning but now i’m trying really hard to just understand that i’m not the center of his life and just because he doesn’t text/call me constantly doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me!!

I was told today that I want his attention all the time and I get pissed off when I don’t get it.
I really don’t feel that way, but thats what he says. I don’t want to seem needy, or desperate, I don’t even want to seem blind to it all… I guess I enjoy the attention so much… and it has been so long since I have gotten any… I need to change… it isn’t always about me…. even though I have always tried to make him happy in many different ways… but I guess what I do in a bad way sicks out more.

Neediness lost me someone very important to me… but it turned me into this independent person. He sees that and now he wants to make things work… but I don’t need him. I just want him. :) haha. We’re taking it slowly.

wow yesterday I thought I was doing so well until night time came and it just got so unbearable that I TOLD my boyfriend I was trying not to be needy which totally DEFEATS the purpose of this whole thing!
1. It’s like counting your eggs before they hatch since I told him my goal and
2. It’s suppose to be a secret and a surprise for him because if I TELL him I’m trying not to be needy, it just shows how needy I am and it’s totally unattractive.

WOW. I feel like a complete loser. And failing in THIS goal made me almost mess up one of my other goals to not hurt myself anymore. This is so hard!

I really need to stop being needy because it just consumes me on certain days! This feeling just builds up inside my head and I feel like I’m about to explode so I call my boyfriend and whine and try to get his attention even though he’s busy at work.

And this is me on my summer vacation. I can’t imagine how needy I’ll be when the semester starts again with all its stress. I really don’t want to keep calling my boyfriend up at 1am asking him to make the 40 minute trip over just because I’m procrastinating writing a paper due in 9 hours.

I wish i could just be independent and confident. And do my own thing. And be more chill. Instead of a high-strung, needy (and consequently unattractive) girlfriend.

...I was this needy!

I’m trying to get over a woman who was a friend; and I screwed it up completely by letting her know how I felt. I’m stunned at how hard it is getting over her. I shouldn’t be like this! I have a great life, make great money, am smart, athletic…blah, blah, blah.

What freaks me out the most is how I signed up for eHarmony.com and keep checking it. Why?! I shouldn’t NEED attention. I should be able to handle it. And I shouldn’t be looking for a next romance before I’m over HER.

Oh…and despite her saying “just leave me alone”, contacted her asking if she wanted back the card she made for me so she could sell it as originally planned. LAME! Why bother? What do I owe her? It’s just me being needy.

Get over it!

I think “Go out with friends”; but I’m just using them for attention, too. Grow up, man. You’re better than this. And you can’t be a good match for someone if you can’t be your own man.

I need my friends, i need my guys who i’m with, i need everybody to be there for me, to listen.
i need to learn how to depend on my own, be my own girl.
that’ll be the greatest thing that could happend to me this period of time.