be a better listener

At Thanksgiving dinner last night, I talked too much to cover my discomfort at sitting next to my father. When he made comments that I construed as negative, I talked more and did not look at him. What’s up with that? Just shut up and give someone else a turn, girl! I did get more comfortable when mom told funny stories of her youth – she is easy to listen to. Dad lectures, not noticing who he offends along the way. And that will not change – only my attitude toward him can.

Yesterday an acquaintance approached me at an event with her story to share. I chose to listen actively with a minimum of comments and “me too”s. We had met a while back at a group meeting, where she was apparently turned off by the size of the group. With one listener, she felt freer to tell her story. I appreciate that she trusted me, and look forward to more conversations together.

do I actually want to be this…..no, I really don’t..it has been the source of all of my insecurities…..I have listened..I have heard….and amazingly I am still here trying to understand,,
why the only person that ever, held you up, you have chosen to bring down…...I dont want to listen anymore….your words hurt me, scar me…..I have never given up on us….or I would so not be here….in the mist of all this confusion.. I have found escapes.and one actually i could never tell you that I did not love…..but I tried to love you as well
you just made that near impossible….
you never once asked me….why, I sit here in the dark….
however I think you know, had you…reached out to me at least once in the dark, held my hand, in a way that wasnt selfish….I would have given you anything….

I want to treat people with respect, and listen to what they have to say, and sometimes even just listen and say nothing.

I so agree with you. This is one of my wishes too. You’ve written the wish in a shorter phrase. You see? I can’t even read the rules properly and have a great long phrase on mine.

Re: Listening. My family say when they’re visiting, that they’d be better bringing their laptop and emailing from the other sofa!

8)

PS Time out from all interruptions clears the mind.

Today, for example, I realized that I often keep my eyes on my computer screen or work when I’m talking with people. Eye contact is a basic sign of respect and recognition, one that I’m going to use more often. It helped me fully enter each conversation.

I am asking more questions. but I feel like I am still talking too much about myself. One thing that has been great is I am introducing myself to more people and remembering their names.

however…..there is so much I could say tonight..had you been or had this been your goal….
because if it was..you would have heard my heart break..as I tried again, to make some sense of our life together,,,,,
or better yet our life apart…..not physically, but mentally…

In the art of conversation the person who is thought of fondly is the one who listens more. I heard someone in my field talking about the rule of 3.

Ask 3 questions (andlisten to the answers!) before you can say 1 thing.

Now to put it into practice!

but I don’t hear, schedules, times, places or events…
I mean, I do, I just don’t remember them real well.
But I hear, your heart, those words, that you say to me, while we lie in the dark…....
because, your heart, has some much to say…so much, that no one hears, there are others, that will remember, your flight schedule…your work schedule…when the have to pick you up, and when they have to drop you off..
And I, might arrive late..to pick you up, but I would remember that your favorite dessert is ice cream..that you like your steak medium to rare..that I could name every single one of your friends, and know, why they were and are important in your life