See HIM again

I love how a lot of girls with this goals have similar problems to mine. The guy I want to see again is from Montreal, Canada, and I will probably see him this week. But he doesn’t care for me anymore and I know it, so it will probably be the last time I see him.
But all I know is that I feel lonely every night now and I lead on guys just to know that I still have it and in my dreams I am always searching for something, always walking aimlessly around a boardwalk, always looking into deep pits, wandering through forests.
It sucks.

Him, the fling, the one night stand I had one year ago… I’m going to “see him again” next wednesday. It’s a good thing we haven’t seen eachother in such a while since I feel like in some way.. I’m a lot more relaxt about it all. I don’t put a lot of weight on it anymore :)

I’ve found another him :-D
A true one

It was super weird to see him again, and especially in these settings. But I did it and it was fun and I’ll do it again (this time without being terrified.)

It used to be, back when I missed him. But I don’t really anymore. More and more, he’s getting a blackened record from me. He’ll never be all that I want, and I’m tired of lowering my standards. I want to see him, but I don’t want to be more than friends.

He’s going to my school this year… How did this happen? Not that I’m upset that he’s coming… Just… It’s weird…

I had my orientation yesterday. I can’t imagine him there. I think my brain has categorized him in certain places, like he belongs in Nelsonville or in Cincinnati and that’s it… I can’t imagine what it’d be like to go to school with him. And we’d both be art students. That’d be kinda neat… I just want to hug him again…

I talked to him yesterday. This is about the third time I’ve called him since we broke up. Things go well when we talk – we update each other on our lives, complain about Lisa and work, and talk about future plans (when we might both be at Shawnee.)

I’m not saying I want to start our relationship back up. I just want to get back to being friends like we were once. When things were so good between us. :) I love him as a friend.

On a side note, I enjoyed his conversation MUCH better than the one with my boyfriend. A bad sign? YES! :(

I haven’t seen him in three years (until a few weeks ago). I still believe that I was utterly and completely in love with him, but now I also think that he may have been using me. An awful thing to do, when your thousands of miles away in Afghanistan for 3/4 of the relationship. He had someone to send him letters and someone to come home to on his leave. And when he didn’t need me anymore, he cut me out of his life. It hurt me so much and I’m still not over him.

Seeing him opened up all of those wounds, and made it hard again. I don’t think I’ll see him again, but I’m glad I did this time. If nothing else, it let me know that seeing him WON’T help.

tomorrow I’ll see him again :D I made it!
yeess, i’m so excited tee-hee