studying up on bullying and remembering that my feelings, wants and desires are every bit as important as anyone else’s when I’m dealing with them has worked wonders. 3 years ago
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thinking of a situation beginning with this perspective has helped. 3 years ago
I have no problem being a big hearted giver. But it is one thing to give of myself to a mature person who appreciates it, understands that I am giving something of myself, and who reciprocates in some way – and something else entirely to give (even with the best intentions) to someone who is doing nothing more than taking and using me. Some people take advantage of others and some people appreciate the gift you are giving and treat you with respect. I am not going to waste my time and energy on the takers anymore. If I do give to someone who doesn’t respect and appeciate me, I’m going to understand that there’s not something wrong with me for being thoughtful, considerate and giving (even if I did it without discernment as to the recipient) but more about them being immature and selfish—and ultimately undeserving of more of my energy. 4 years ago
I asked myself “is this my problem, or is this somebody else’s problem?” It was somebody else’s problem, so I let go and let them deal with it. So whatever happens, “not my problem.”
And not in a bad way, but in a “I am not being taken advantage of” kind of way way. Because I’m not jumping in and taking misplaced responsibility for other people and their issues! So, now, just “that’s too bad about your problem, I hope you work that out.” And if you don’t, your consequences to deal with. If you do, your growth and I’ll be right there to pat you on the back. 4 years ago
These are the two things I need to work on establishing and following through on.
I guess I’m a wimp. I don’t like confrontation and I like other people to be happy. I need to focus on liking ME to be happy and satisfied, and letting other people sort out their own happiness without taking advantage of me. I though I was being giving and generous, and I was, but I didn’t realize how resentful I would become over time because I wasn’t getting anything back. 4 years ago
i no longer put up with shit, but in a nice way. im not sure how it happened, but i think it might have something to do with the unconditonal love i am currently basking in. i know now that it doesnt matter how many people i upset by not bending to their will, because i always have a soft spot to fall. 7 years ago