I have no problem being a big hearted giver. But it is one thing to give of myself to a mature person who appreciates it, understands that I am giving something of myself, and who reciprocates in some way – and something else entirely to give (even with the best intentions) to someone who is doing nothing more than taking and using me. Some people take advantage of others and some people appreciate the gift you are giving and treat you with respect. I am not going to waste my time and energy on the takers anymore. If I do give to someone who doesn’t respect ad appeciate me, I’m going to understand that there’s not something wrong with me for being thoughtful, considerate and giving (even if I did it without discernment as to the recipient) but more about them being immature and selfish—and ultimately undeserving of more of my energy.
How to stop being taken advantage of
How I did it: It took awhile but I found a job where my boss does see that I work hard and knows that I need time to do everything that would benefit the company. I no longer do too many projects at home, just the ones where I need to use my Photoshop. I make sure I do the majority of work during work hours. I know my limits now when it comes to my job. And in my personal life I just keep myself out of situations where I might get taken advantage of. I have learned to read people better. There are people that genuinely need help and there are others that just want what they want.
Lessons & tips: Learn to read people better and learn your own personal limits. Make sure you get yourself in situations that are healthy. If you find yourself around someone that just wants stuff because they don't want to a.) pay for it, b.) do it themselves or c.) simply are lazy, then that's a person you simply do not need in your life and they need to be told no.
Resources: Just getting older helps. I think in the last year I learned the most about people.
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I asked myself “is this my problem, or is this somebody else’s problem?” It was somebody else’s problem, so I let go and let them deal with it. So whatever happens, “not my problem.”
And not in a bad way, but in a “I am not being taken advantage of” kind of way way. Because I’m not jumping in and taking misplaced responsibility for other people and their issues! So, now, just “that’s too bad about your problem, I hope you work that out.” And if you don’t, your consequences to deal with. If you do, your growth and I’ll be right there to pat you on the back.
These are the two things I need to work on establishing and following through on.
I guess I’m a wimp. I don’t like confrontation and I like other people to be happy. I need to focus on liking ME to be happy and satisfied, and letting other people sort out their own happiness without taking advantage of me. I though I was being giving and generous, and I was, but I didn’t realize how resentful I would become over time because I wasn’t getting anything back.
domesticatedwifey is finally getting somewhere.
I don’t know what karma I’ve burned lately, but I always get suckered into things. Friday I worked an unexpected double at my job, then I worked all weekend and a double on Monday. I am incredibly exhausted. Then today out of the blue my work calls telling me I’m missing some appointment with a rep that I never even scheduled. I don’t know how it works but every time I have scheduled off something happens at work that I get a call about. Whether it’s a question or just something dumb. I just want time off where no one calls me. It’s bad enough I do a whole bunch a stuff at my job that I don’t get paid for, but now I have my boss’s computer at my house to work on it. It’s like staring me in the face! I really need to work hard on this goal, but it’s hard because I’m such a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and be so helpful but now it’s just kicking me in my ass more than ever. I’m just tired of it really.
domesticatedwifey is finally getting somewhere.
I figured out I was being taken advantage of by my boss when she ask me to look at her two laptops. She said that she could get the person that looked at them before but he charges $80.00, so could I look at them? I said yes, in hindsight this should have been a duh moment. Yet it wasn’t. So no more.
i no longer put up with shit, but in a nice way. im not sure how it happened, but i think it might have something to do with the unconditonal love i am currently basking in. i know now that it doesnt matter how many people i upset by not bending to their will, because i always have a soft spot to fall.
