I have very little motivation. It’s hard for me to get things done because it’s even harder for me to start them. I write a lot and would love to make writing a career, but I rarely ever find the motivation to start and finish a project completely. Also, I’ve started a diet about a million times (same with exercising), and I can never see it through.
I have big goals and even bigger dreams, and it seems like I watch them pass me by all the time. As I coast through life and merely exist from day to day, I watch so many years that I had planned to achieve certain goals by slip away. When I was 21 I wanted to be finishing college. I hadn’t even started then. I wanted to lose weight when I was a teen. I’m still fat.
So much time has been lost and you’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now, but it seems to be a lesson a lot of people never really learn the importance of until it’s too late. Some people (dancers, actors, performers, etc.) seem to be born motivated. They put so much time and effort into everything that they do. I always wanted to be like that, but I’m not.
When my brother was a teen, he was tired of my family never having money, so he went out and got THREE different jobs. He didn’t have a car to get to work with, so he walked to work whenever he couldn’t get a ride. Back then, he was the epitome of motivation. Everyone, myself included, was very proud and inspired by him. Unfortunately, it didn’t rub off on me.
Sometimes I stop and think about the future and what technology is doing to people. If you ever listen to an older person talk about their lives, they have so many stories to share and so many precious memories. A good portion of our society lives its life through TV, food, the internet, gaming, etc. What memories will we have to share? We wasted our lives away.
It frustrates me that I can see this so clearly and still it’s a problem for me. I’m putting forth effort to become more disciplined, but it’s definitely a work in progress. I’m tired of being a dreamer. I want to be a doer. I want to say “I started yesterday,” not “I’ll start tomorrow.” For those of us who aren’t naturally motivated, it’s an uphill climb.
I’m tired of starting over from the bottom.