I managed to do this yesterday with something small, that I would normally have been wound up about for ages.
Someone I know, who can be fairly controlling and blows hot and cold regularly, ended up annoyed because I’d seen to a small problem by myself rather than speaking to them first. I felt really irritated during the morning because I thought that this was unnecessary and as with all controlling behaviour, leaves you feeling that they don’t trust you to do certain things by yourself. They took it out on others as well, which irritated me further.
I vented over lunch and felt much better when I saw them later – their mood had improved a lot and although I was reluctant to be all sweetness and light, I got a much bigger perspective on things and felt that I should have expected this reaction because they are normally like this, and to expect otherwise is only setting myself up for disappointment. If I had accepted that this was something they regularly did and it didn’t usually last, I would have just been more relaxed about it all. Instead I allowed myself to get wound up and feel really stressed.
I still didn’t agree with what happened but it really wasn’t that big a deal and the reaction was to be expected, so I thought I may as well stop causing myself more stress by feeling indignant about it.
I have my ‘ventee’ to thank for things turning around yesterday – I’m just pleased that I managed to let something go that was fairly trivial. Being trivial never stopped me from obsessing before, so in many ways, this was just as hard as letting go of something bigger.
When I let go of the pain and anger around the mess of a relationship I had with my sister, it took 10 months, but it was 6 years’ of stuff to get over, so I guess an hour to get over a comment is in keeping, and certainly better than my usual 48-72 hours. 3 years ago
I can imagine that this goal will still be on my list in years to come, but I feel that I have managed to do this on occasion. My sister and I had a fall-out last Christmas, which led to us not talking to each other for 10 months. We have since started talking again, and I realised that the anger that I felt so strongly last year had been dissipating and being replaced with a feeling of sadness that despite caring very much for each other, we had to let something that didn’t need to be there get in the way.
Anger wasn’t going to make her change, any more than it was going to make me change. Eventually, I didn’t care who was right and wrong; I just thought it was sad that we didn’t talk. I now feel that anger would be causing more damage than it’s worth, if we hadn’t made up our differences and moved on. I’m going to see my sister this Christmas, and I have a positive feeling that it’s not going to be a repeat of last year. So, I’m pleased I’ve done a little letting go this year.
There’s plenty more to do though! :) 4 years ago
This is slowly happening, but I’m a long way off marking this as done yet. I can tell I haven’t let go because I’m still very much attached to other people’s opinions of me, their praise, their criticism… It is most apparent in tai chi classes, as this is an ideal environment for me to relax and just do without worrying about your ego. It’s then that I realise I’m not doing these things as well as I could be! 5 years ago
This is a practice I have done whilst learning tai chi and it is a practice which involves letting go. It doesn’t work properly unless you do and it feels fantastic if you can achieve it. 8 postures are held whilst standing for 5 minutes each, totalling 40 minutes, and the body will naturally shake as a result. You only end up shaking if you let your body shake, but because it can feel a little strange, stopping it from happening doesn’t allow you to get the best from the practice. Strange as it sounds, it’s wonderful for literally shaking off tension until you’re really relaxed :) 6 years ago
I have come to the realisation that from my list of goals, this is probably the most fundamentally important goal for me.
If I could learn to do this, so many problems in my life would disappear, and yet I continue to hold onto things desperately. This one goal is vital to my ability to move on and I would improve drastically if this was the only thing I actually did about my life. It is so simple and yet so bloody elusive!
I need to try harder!! :) 6 years ago
I’m going to practise letting go on a small scale and see if I can work up to bigger and more important things in my life. Related to Buddhism, I remembered that Buddhist monks would create elaborate mandalas and then after they had finished, destroy them, to teach them how to let go and become less attached.
I thought I would get some blank mandalas to colour in and then do similar. I will spend the time colouring them and concentrate on that task, which will be a meditative activity in itself and then when I have finished, rip the paper and throw it away. This seems a fairly pointless thing, but I’m aiming to undo a bad habit from the bottom up, so trivial it may seem, it’s a starting point for bigger and more difficult tasks.
I have one printed off, so I’ll give that a go this afternoon. 6 years ago
It seems that it may be possible to make my life so much easier by letting go of all the baggage I’ve been carrying around – yet, how this is meant to happen, I have no idea. I have decided that this is probably one of my most important goals, as I think if I could master this, I would be well on my way to being in control of the mess which is my life.
So much of how life affects a person comes from within – changing your perspective can change your life dramatically. It’s just that the coping mechanisms we use suit one situation and then we carry that habit through permanently, not realising how inappropriate it is to a new situation, but stubbornly holding onto it. Thus perpetuating the problem.
I need to learn to accept those things which are my responsibility and that I can do something about, and to feel empathy about, but not feel responsible for those things which are other’s choices and responsibilities and for which I have no solution to offer.
I am going to make a list for myself of the things which I regularly stress about and decide whose responsibility it is and whether I should be letting it take over my life.
By the way, the picture is not mine – it comes from this website: http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs11/i/2006/259/4/7/Letting_Go_by_FaerieNymph.jpg 6 years ago
I said that I accomplished this goal, but I think it’s something more of a mindset that can be applied to different situations, more than something that has a definite endpoint or mark of accomplishment. 4 months ago
I’ve been cleaning out my closet and it has been very cleansing. Made me reflect on the past, part with it, and be accepting and excited for my present and future. 9 months ago
I think this is my issue when I can’t get something done, I obsess over it by not addressing it directly. I need to learn to address my issues directly and not let them simmer in the back of my mind, thinking that it will solve itself with time. When in actuality I have no actual plan. 15 months ago
I think the amount of things I’ve given up on doing is a testament to my progress in this goal. 17 months ago
Image Caption: How do I practice conveying this feeling in words?
I finally let go of someone I thought would change but didn’t. I think I was being very cautious around him, which in a way made our relationship end up like that – cautious and wary. It’s actually kind of sad. I was sad when we finally cut ties – I bawled and cried for all of the times that I spent with him. The times that I spent trusting him. And I guess he trusted me too to an extent. But I guess we just didn’t match.
Although I was really rude to him – and he probably won’t read all of those texts I sent his way – I’m so glad that I was able to let go for once. Like this dam of feelings just broke free. I need to be able to do this more frequently and not in one huge break of emotion. How do I practice this??
Can anyone help me? How do I practice expressing my emotions freely without fear of judgement? How do I think less and react more? 18 months ago
This was about a past relationship, an ex that easily “gets in my head” even if he has no idea. We lives 3 hours apart, I don’t see him, we don’t talk on the phone, and maybe once a year via email. Last time we talked via email I told him that college was a “bittersweet memory” to me because we dated my senior year and now we are no longer together. Haven’t heard from him since. I also told him my brother was going to Afghanistan because he is in the army- no response. That was in June ago. At first I was paranoid, then I forgot, then I just thought if he doesn’t have the respect to wish my brother well, F-that! Then I emailed him about something random that had to do with a joint memory in our past, a quick 2 lines, he responded just as quickly and shortly. I didn’t feel the usual heart tug to read it asap, or respond right away, stop what I was doing. In fact I didn’t even respond. I guess I unintentionally set myself free after that last big email in June. I feel much better. If we speak again, I hope it stays as carefree and free of past baggage. Because now my future is much brighter! 19 months ago
I’ve noticed that one of the things that take a great toll on my motivation are all of the what ifs in my life. I guess I tend to think about all the possibilities that I have in the next 6 months and where I should direct my life. And I’ve realized that maybe I daydream about other possibilities because I’m afraid of addressing my situation in the present. Or it could just be that I think too much in the first place.
So right now I’m going to try and focus on my situation now and try to make the most of what I have. I have a lot of opportunities to be involved in the place that I am in right now. I just have to go out there and explore and try to engage in them. And not think about running away again like I did when I was in Manila. 19 months ago