overcome stage-fright

with all the other crazy stuff in my life, i haven’t even really contemplated my progress on this goal. WOW.

this past year, actually, i’ve been put on the spot a lot and have done lots of group projects in school. when i’d get up in front of the class with my other group members, i could see in them how nervous they were. and instead of joining them in nervousness, i felt as though i needed to be the strong one for them so to maybe help boost their level of comfort. in that process, i was working on my own fears. i now know what it is like to stand up in front of people, feel confident and do what i’ve got to do. wow… i really did this, didn’t i?

this doesn’t mean i can sing in public yet, though. that’s another goal i’m working on. i had to separate the two because i knew i’d get over this before i got over singing in front of people, which i feel is rooted in a completely different place. hahah! sweet deal.

apparently everyone wants me to do this.. it’s been my highest cheered.

i posted this a year ago… and i have to say i’ve made progress. a little, though… not enough to sound AMAZING or anything… but something to prove i’m overcoming SOMETHING is that these past few months i’ve been singing louder in the shower. with conviction and confidence! BUT what’s been even more interesting is i’ve been becoming more comfortable in singing in public. not so much when people point at me and say SING… but if i’m in my own world like cleaning up at work or something, i’ll start singing… for real moreso than just goofing around.

things like this don’t happen over night, i understand. and although i’ve been wanting to get over this feeling much of my life, i have to say this past year i’ve tried more than any other year since i’ve made it a goal on 43.

this is just the beginnning…

this is the weirdest thing ever… i am extremely outspoken and outgoing and super talkative. once you get me going, its hard to get me to stop. when i’m sitting at the same level with everyone, intimately and comfortably, its like i’m talking to a friend. and even a lot of times when i’m on stage and performing improvisational work and making people laugh… NO PROBLEM.
my PROBLEM though… is that giving speeches, standing at a podium in front of an audience… i mean, some people are there judging you, some have lots of expectations, everyone has different expectations…. and i dunno if these things really bother me. on any other level they don;t… when i’m talking to a group of people in a big circle and i’m not at center stage but there are still people who will judge me and everyone’s own expectations… THAT doesn’t bother me. so its so weird that it bothers me when i’m center stage, in the spotlight, and giving a speech. there’s gotta be some extra pressure that i’m just not able to figure out. its so weird. this is such a moment-specific fear. i dunno… i don’t get it. but i hate it. but i also can’t sing in front of people. no one. not even my fiance. hahaha! unless its a really dumb song. so, no singing in front of people, and no giving speeches at a podium in front of people. but i can do anything else. dance, get naked, act, be myself, sit around in a group and be really profound and thoughtful…. I DON’T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!