get rid of depression

I have been depressed since forever.I am 14 and i have had enough.As soon as I am able to I am going to leave this place and all the people and influences who are hurting me and never look back.I have therapists but honestly,I might as well not have them.I can’t wait to break free and make something of my life.I want to live.I’ve been waiting 14 years,I think I deserve my chance now.

:)

Maybe this is simply a hormonal thing?

I’m already getting put on the pill for my period pains, adn it’s said to make depression worse.

Maybe I should have told my doctor?

I have to go for a checkup in 3 months. If it does make it worse, I’ll tell her then.

Feeling crap again.

Good day today.

Maybe they’re right about what they say, Exerscise does help with it.

Or maybe it’s just my exams are ending soon ^^.

After I joined this site I had aims and exams to distract me. Oh, and actual drama (and the realisation that I can be conniving).

Anyway, Yesterday it just came on me. after my exams I self harmed again. It was stupid, it always is. It was just: Bad feeling, Drying a stake knife3 cuts on hand

Hands are the best places for me -I can blame them on my cat, which is a horrible thing I know.

Anyway, this mornign I felt pretty crap as well.

But I just spend an hour on my exerscise bike and I feel better now. Funny that, I hate exerscise :P

Okay, I have known for a while now I suffer from depression. Not diagnosed my a doctor or anything, but me and my mum pretty much decided it.

It makes it hard to do, and I want to do these things, I want to be happy, but not being abole to do these things stopbs me from being happy, and not being happy makes me not want to do anything.

But I wanna do it. Some days I might not be able to manage, but I will get over that.

I hate feeling sad, I hate feeling empty, I hate feeling jealous and negative. I hate feelign fake. I wanna be happy.

And I wanna do it my myself.
If I can.

If I cant then I will ask to go see a doctor, and if Ineed more help then I will ask for medication, but I don’t want to be dependant on medication to say I’m happy.

Anyway, I reckon this is step one, and this’ll probably be one of a very last I complete…. even though I’m years away from living in York or being a clinical Psychologist.

A while ago i lost my nan and now im losing my rabbit and im just so depressed about it

Oh how I hope I make it
She stands by the door as one girl shouts
All the girls including me run
We watch her present us with the listings
who made the team?

I skim for my name
After all the hard work I just know I’m on there
Opps, must’ve missed it
I look again
One more time
And another after another
everyone stares at me
some push me out of the way
I didnt make it

Its amazing how someone can ruin a life
will i get over it?
5 volleybal camps
every club in the state
why did i work so hard?
never again will i try to work hard for somthing.
Depression is the only thing that will run through my head.

After 1 year and 6 months of depression I decided to do something about it. I worte a paper on my depression. Of course she sent me to a counslor, but that was just for a little and I acted like i didnt care about volleyball anymore. hehe, sucker. But I did feel alot better after she told me that she didnt relize. She said that she regrets it too, the team almost won the championship, but there was not enough people who could get it over the net. Now I play in NL and I won 27 first place medals and trophies, and 15 2nd place. My name is Gabrielle Reece and I could never be more proud of my life and volleyball.

I don’t have many friends, and those that I do have seem to be slowly drifting away, as if it makes no difference if I were to just disappear one day. We moved on the 10th of June this year, and we had to get rid of the dog I had, the ONLY being I felt I could talk to and felt comfortable with. She’s the only being I’ve ever cried over, and I still do. My family and friends just aren’t the type you can talk to, they’re not understanding at all. I got greatly attached to her because I was also in a downfall in my life when we got her, and I feel like she was the main reason I was able to get around my depression and be myself and have hope again. I feel like the only way I can beat this (going on) 3-month depression is to get another one, something else I can feel comfortable with, and feel like a person who is actually needed again (because I’m sure as heck borderline useless now).

Now I’m sharing an apartment with my mother (it’s public housing, we don’t have much money, and took us 2 months to get into) and while I have not come straight out and asked about it, I’ve been hoping that once I can establish a job here, for my 21st birthday (a day most people go out and drink or do something memorable) that I would be allowed to go out and get my own dog, with my own money (not necessarily that day, but whenever I had the money to do so). I only ask that I be allowed to bring it into the house. All money-related expenses would be completely on my own hands, so the only thing that should bother my mother is that there’s going to be a dog in the house. Other than that, there’s NOTHING more that I really ask of her.

Unfortunately, I know how my mother is, and I know how she feels about bring one into the house (she’s always said, “Once these pets die or we have to get rid of them, I’m never getting any more”). I’ve always tried, time and time again, to explaian to her the pros and cons of many different things, but have been shut out just about every time. Once she’s made her mind, she pretty much ignores anything else. We still have our old cat, but he’s just… there. He’s not really that friendly, loving, or anything, and I’ve never really gotten connected to him.

Now my brother, who is not even living here is trying to bring a cat her found into the house, and I feel that if I don’t act quickly and confront my mother about this that it’s actually going to happen and I’ll be screwed from there on out. The problem is, though, that I can’t bring myself to ask because I’m rather afraid of the answer I know I’ll probably receive. I do have some hope now, but if I were told straight out that it isn’t going to happen, I have no idea what I would do…

It doesn’t help that I know no one around here, and truthfully don’t really want to (unfortunately it’s known for distribution of illegal substances), and I feel like I’m completely alone right now. This place is completely quiet, and I just can’t stand it. I hate living in the middle of nowhere.