remember that nobody and nothing can destroy my happiness

does this mean we have to fight for our happiness? battle for being happy.. is my happiness not strong enough that I choose this goal?

and what about my tooth – it’s aching even though i went to dentist today and she filled it :((( It does destroy my happiness…

Today it was the day of several tests of the way other people and things influence my happiness. There were so many critics of me in such a little period of time with such huge intensity that I was just about to kick sb’s ass or break down.
Then I saw myself and the other people from the other perspective: these are their opinions, their thoughts, their problems, the things they were criticising me for were not ‘me’ in fact.
How refreshing.
So now I’m sure my happiness is safe and sound again.

This is a good goal, but I’m finding it a bit difficult, so putting it on hold until I’m stronger and more able to believe and practise it.

I’m by far the worst culprit for damaging my happiness anyway, damn negative voice and half-empty glass thinking! Need to use skills learnt in the past to react calmly to problems and upsets, feel so much better when I deal with difficulties in this mature way.

fuck being unhappy.

ok, i do remember. now, i should apply it to life.

My source of joy, happiness, well-being, love, life, and blessings would never take away those gifts from me. That is my focus, to remember the source of all the wonderful things I have and share~

Is it possible to cross the Cheer fairies, I only had 1 cheer to give today (so far) and have received many, do we have to wait for someone to show up at work? Oh well…

CheerCheerCheerCheer

There is a certain someone that I bite my tongue around. I don’t share much because of a fear of criticism, which is something I see it’s time to work on. Yesterday and in fact this week at work, I’ve noted her interactions with other staff, many ignore or flip her comments right back at her. If someone feels the need to criticize me that’s none of my business. Something to ponder: Why I consider letting it change my actions (and impact my happiness)...I guess why doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I am ready to change this. I can journal and meditate, working to let it go!

I went to my regular Saturday morning Step class at Bally’s. The instructor seemed late, then a ‘regular’ walked over to tell me that we have a different instructor on Saturdays now. Rose was at a different gym (I don’t need 2 memberships) teaching a class. I was so…. disappointed, and pissed. I was so looking forward to the instructor I’m used to. Not to mention, she teaches during the week, when I’m at work teaching. Saturday is the only time I get to see her unless we’re off on some sort of break. I look forward to Saturday. I decided to go in. Keith teaches differently from Rose. He doesn’t cue the moves like her, and he was hard to hear. I was agitated again. Some people actually left before the end of class. I forced myself to stay because I still wanted (needed) the workout. Once I started getting over my roadblock (change) I was able to enjoy the class a little more, and easily do the routine. I could choose to sulk. Maybe I will for a _{little while} longer, just a _little. I’d really like Rose to resume teaching the class, wonder if we can bribe her to come back on Saturday’s. (Trying to see the positive- I have a gym membership, I can still see her during breaks, there are ‘other’ instructors I can try. )