try heroin

its definitly worth trying. just dont become a junky. its kinda phun though.

Ive been a JUNKY… and it was fucking shitty, fun, amazing, belittling, life changing, and most of all a way out. to kill everything especially emotion. Ive now been clean for about 8 months and life sucks. not that is was great when i was shooting junk but come on…. is life this fucking boring. maybe i just need to keep on keepin on on this whole fucking clean and sober thing. things were fucked though while i was a junkie, lost it all. not that i had to much to start with. saw people die. kept my girlfriend alive on three different ocassions. anyway if you wanna die to its prolly just a few blocks away…..

Just to say i did.

xjennx

The first time, it just made me sick as hell. Smells like hospitals and kinda like gross meat. Very cheap but hard to even stay awake on, and if i did enough to really get messed up on, i got really sick and booted everywhere. It basically makes you not care about anything. at all. nothing like the image portrayed in movies, those actors should be dead asleep. Everyone knows also, I used to get so lazy I wouldnt bother finishing my sentances. Id get depressed and anxious if I had to get up. :( I guess it could be fun if you never had to move or talk to anyone for like a week. but besides that. fuck it. not worth it. <3

I wouldn’t tell anyone to run out and try it but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had some really good times on it when I was young. We tended to treat it as an exotic and only took it on special occasions -neither me or my mates got hooked thankfully.

I’m marking this down as not worth it, not because I didn’t enjoy it but because in these matters there’s only a small difference between visiting a place and living there and I’m sure we got lucky.

I’m glad to have done this twice (when I was 16, which is more than three decades ago, and miserable): to have done it, to understand the experience and its allure… But I am infinitely MORE glad I didn’t stick with it. I could have… it was very seductive at the time, because I was in a lot of pain.

Heroin numbs the pain, yeah. But it numbs everything else, too, and ultimately fucks over your life and the lives of all those who touch yours (for example, your parents, your kids, and your friends). Also, it is a big-time Opt Out. You don’t deal with the stuff that’s causing you pain, nor do you improve the world and maybe rid it of a bit of its collective pain.

I checked off “I’ve done this” because I saw someone had put it down as a goal. I wasn’t exactly shocked, having done so myself so long ago.

But I want to say this: don’t try H because you think it’s cool. It isn’t. On the way to numbing pain, which as I say it does, it is too easy to end up with a major and expensive and destructive monkey that claws its way into the flesh of your back clear through to the spine.

And if you succeeded in trying it, liked it, and did become an addict, what then? You would either die or have to kick and start your life over, which would probably be that much more painful and have that much more accumulated shit that you hadn’t dealt with earlier, to say nothing of the physiological difficukties you would have heaped on yourself.

I ended up a happy person, coming out of a miserable childhood and a horrendous adolescence. Despite suffering grief at a beloved partner’s death, I had many fabulously joyful goofy interesting years with him, and I am learning new ways to be happy now.

Had I become addicted to numbing the pain, as opposed to finding out what it was a symptom of and curing (gradually, and still) THAT… I never would have had those gorgeous years, and delicious, even ecstatic experiences.

I think of myself them, the so-unhappy 16-year-old I was … wearing a short very foxy purple dress with bell-shaped sleeves the day I first scored the H… and I wish I could say to her, “Hang on. Things will get better. You will get better. You will find your power. You will love and be loved. You will grow your talent. You will cherish your one ‘wild and precious life.’” (the latter words of the poet Mary Oliver).

But since I can’t time-travel and say it to myself, I’m saying it to you who think of this as a goal.

but it just sounds like so much fuckin’ fun…choose life…choose a job, choose a career. Choose a big fucking television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch, watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing gameshows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing away your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you’ve spawned to replace yourself.Choose your future. Choose life…