save our marriage

My wife and I have separated and I do hope we can get back together. We are both doing the right things, except I think she needs more time than me. It was her choice, because she said I had become incredibly emotionally abusive to her. There is truth in what she says, and I acknowledge it. I thought I was doing the right thing by taking on a second job so I could afford the more expensive house. However, it destroyed us. I grew resentful of her, and did not feel supported by her. Instead, my needs were so small compared to hers. She lost her identity when we had our second child and she stopped working. I did not fully listen to her. I was not present.

Now, she does not trust me. There was an affair with another person, her best friend. I’m trying to sort out my confusion about that as well as trying to understand why this happened. I feel like I’ve totally lost touch with this amazing woman who would captivate me if I let her, and if I could just get past my own limitations. However, I also have to prepare for the possibility that she will never trust me again.

So, this could take a while. I want to save our marriage, which first means I have to give her space to be by herself, emotionally. I have to trust that she won’t hurt herself. I know she’s lonely and feels sad and feels awful, but it is not my responsibility to fix that at this time. It is my responsibility to get all of my ducks in a row to make sure that my issues no longer penetrate the core of the marriage.

Life is so hard, and I didn’t think it would be. I thought it would be simple. It is not.

So I want to save my marriage. But, that might not necessarily be possible. I have to make sure that I don’t pressure her and that I respect the terms of this break. So hard with it being Christmas and with the distractions of her other relationship. I can forgive that, but it’s going to take a long time for us to rebuild.

Should we?

I think so.

My husband and I took a break from each other. I went back to my hometown in Texas for a month with the children expecting it to lead to a permanent separation.

However, in time, my husband and I found that we still had the umph to make it work.

And I’m glad we did.

I know a few months ago I thought, “I will never love this man again,” but you know, miracles do happen.

I am being pushed from a marriage of 30 years. I work hard at being an open honest and willing person. My husband claims to have fallen out of love with me. I still love him dearly. He says he has fallen in love with another woman… whom I know. I know I have a huge mountain to climb here but I wish and hope for resolution and reconciliation in our relationship.