Stop bottling things up

For the last four years of my life I’ve been in a relationship with a woman I love. I have never had the courage, I guess you could say to stand up and tell her when she pisses me off. It’s really affecting our relationship negatively, since every time we have a fight it’s about what I did wrong. I need to stand up for myself and tell her when what she does makes me mad, or I will continue to harbor this resentment and undermine our relationship.

Just am. No details.

Don’t do this to yourself. Especially when you’re with the one you love, it drives them away more then you can ever hope to understand. If not for yourself, express yourself for the ones you love, just find that right person to talk to things about and go slowly, you don’t have to say everything at once, but some progress is better then none… The people that smile and move on like it was nothing are the people it affects the most, the people best at hiding it; bottling it. Don’t let them do that if you can. You don’t have to stay strong for everyone, nor should you. If you’re doing it becasue you love them, or you don’t want to problem them. Stop. If you really love them and vice-versa, then they would want you to stop, to show yourself to them, not to show yourself as someone that gets knocked down then makes it appear that you stand up at the drop of a dime. Let things affect you, don’t be afirad to feel, because that’s when you’ve lost life all together…

GAH! I have been lying to everyone (including myself)...I lie about almost everything,...and pretend nothing is wrong. and when I get mad I usually dont say anything and keep to myself. Everyone is just pissing me off lately and I write in a blog already but I know people read it (including the people that piss me off) So Im speechless. I just want to kill everyone sometimes (that is not an actual threat i just get extremely angry…then take it out on others…) Just a thought :)

He drives me so insane. So totally hypocritical. Like, if he was to do something it is okay, But if I do it it is wrong. It makes me so mad. I mean, I am winning at a stupid board game and he stops playing, tells me that I am “fucking lucky”, and that I ruined the game. Am I really supposed to love this person? Am I supposed to have warm feelings towards him. When did it become okay for him to treat me like this? When did I decidce I could spend my life with someone who is such a total dick. My last guy was so sweet. He would never have even raised his voice at me. But now, it is like a frequent occurance. And I just keep saying to myself, how did I get myself into this? And how can I ever get out?