love and be loved back

:)

well there is this guy… haha…. i have been hanging out with him for a whil now. We have never been sexually involved so jsut forget that. He is everythign in a guy that I have ever prayed to God for. I guess I just forgot to ask God for a man my age. Im going to 16 and he is going to be 20. But I really think im beginning to fall in love with him. Im sorta confused if he feels the same way or not. Here are some things he does that make me sorta think he does….

calls everyday
pays for dinner
opens every door for me
makes it a point to tell me i look nice
sings lvoe songs to me in the car
invites me to church with him
comes over and calls saying im outside your house at like 1:30 am
peck kisses me after a fun dinner date

but idk…. how do i know for sure how he feels? like are there subtle tests i can do to see besides coming out and asking??

i cant wait for the day i am loved and truly loved back. i have a boyfriend right now who i have been with for two months. its not long at all, and we havent said the “L” word yet. sometimes though, i get such stong and overwhelming feelings for him… and he does for me too. when i’m with him everything is great, but when i’m not with him sometimes he gets tied up working and if he doesnt answer my call, or if he doesnt call me for several hours i start getting angry and annoyed. i doubt myself, i doubt him, i doubt the relationship. i start to think of myself as an idiot cause in my mind i dont wanna get hurt again… i think oh maybe he doesnt care as much as i thought he did. it sounds so stupid, i know. yet when he does call il be kinda hostile on the phone cause by that time ive got myself into a pretty bad mood lol… and then after ive spoken to him i’ll calm down and go back to being myself.

i hate it!!!!!

i didnt used to be this way, i used to be really strong but then i got hurt and now…. i have this demon problem.

i dont wana be dependent on another person, its not healthy…

duno what to do.

i think my big problem is that my home environment is quite unstable… as previous relationships have been too. i think i just need security. i need to feel stable in some aspect of my life, which i guess i want to be the relationship part.

my my my…
lol

how complicated i can be!

my parents split up when I was young and never have gotten along since. It’s my moms fault she cheated on my father but ever since i haven’t been able to let people in close enough to love me and I in turn haven’t trusted anyone enough to love them.