Quit Smoking

21 DAYS!!!!

I feel so good. I’ve gained weight, but it’s offset by the muscle because I’ve been exercising like a fiend. I finally have energy to do things. I’m also trying to get normal sleep now – trying to reset my circadian rhythm so that i have more energy. i’ve been reading a book about exhaustion.

quitting smoking has led me to make healthier decisions all around – first i started exercising, then i started eating healthier. i listen to my body now – because when it wants a cigarette, it’s usually because i’m hungry, thirsty, lazy, angry, lonely or tired. finding out which one i am and doing something positive to remedy it has really made my life a lot better.

Oh, cigarette. With you has been my longest relationship, out-lasting best friends and boyfriends, between my index and middle fingers you sit. It started harmless, I wasn’t even old enough to buy you and it was so… risky. Eventually, you started coming around daily and before I knew it we were spending most of our time outside of work together. Since then, you have accompanied me on journeys, through dark moments and sometimes just given me a reason to walk away for 5-7 minutes. We have a routine and a bond.

But we both know I’m not happy with you anymore and haven’t been for a long time. The smell, the taste… yuck. I’ve been cheating and smoking halvsies for a while, cigarette, you just don’t taste the way you used to. And the new yellowish area in my smile you’ve come up with? NOT CUTE. My breath, my hair, my skin, my nails will all thank me if I can be strong and leave you alone. My clothes will be much fresher. And let’s not even get started on my lungs and how restricting you’ve been of them. It sure will be nice when my breathing can keep up with my physical endurance. And then there’s the price—who can afford you? Not me. I’d rather not waste my money any longer.

And so I know this will be tough, especially since all of my friends are on your side, and you will certainly be around. After nearly 10 years, if I’m over you now, it’ll probably just keep going that way so I hope you’ll give me some space to breathe clearly and to outgrow our routine. I know you never really cared about me in the first place. I was just a pretty face. And now you’re just a dirty habit in my life that needs an upgrade.

It´s really hard and I really want to quit, I did it before for one month and then for six months. I hate the smell, I hate what it does and still I keep smoking.

There are still certain times of day when I get those white-knuckle cravings. For most of the day, even though the thought of smoking might pop into my head, it’s easy to just dismiss it and get on with my life, or I don’t even think of smoking at all. Then POW! after dinner, it’s all I can do to not run to the convenience store & buy a pack.

Luckily, though, those cravings are now maybe 3 or 4 a day, with hours and hours in between.

Okay, so been a little trickier today. Definitely starting to feel the cravings, but I’m trying hard not to verbalize those cravings into actual thoughts of having a cigaratte. Still trying to just ignore it. Dangerous ground just writing this entry. The less time I spend thinking about it the better. So to some up, so far so good, but I hav a feeling it’s gonna be a long night.

Looking forward, it occurs to me that I’m not really sure when to mark this goal complete. Lots of people relapse at 3 months or 6 months, and I was quit for 3 years a while back. I guess maybe after 1 year I’ll feel that I’ve been quit long enough for it to count as a real quit, but really I’ll always be a recovering smoker so I’ll never truly be able to say “I’ve done this.”

Anyway, I’ve done this for one week at least. Yay, me!

I’m not ready yet but I’d like to quit eventually. It will be difficult but I believe I can do it once I truly want to.

Okay, so day two is offically under way now, though it still feels like day one because I had to work tonight and don’t get out for another couple of hours. Which I think is kind of unfair, because for most people they would quit at 8am like I did, and then go to bed at 11pm and have an 8 hour break between day one and day two, but nooooo, not me, I got to quit at 8am, and the start a 12 hour shift at 11pm so i’ll have been awake and fighting the fight for about 27 hours of day one. That just sucks. But anyways, like I said, technically it’s day two now because it’s after 8am where I live, so here we go. I haven’t really had any bad cravings yet, and the ones I’ve had have been pretty easy to dismiss because of how embarassed I would be to not even be able to make it one day. That, and I have the fact that I really detest smoking on my side too. I mean, I think quitting must be much harder for people who enjoy smoking and decide to quit because they know the health risks than it is for someone like me who just absolutely hates smoking and smokes soley because he is physically addicted. Kind of like how it’s way easier to get over someone if you despise them versus trying toget over someone you love. Know what I mean. Anyways, wish me luck on day two.

When adding this goal i truely believed i wanted to give up. After many complete fails with this goal i realise, i actually quite like smoking.

So heres the problem. As i am overweight also, the smoking really makes my breathing rather bad.

I have heard people say that if you really want to give up smoking then the willpower is stronger to do so.
How do i MAKE myself stop smoking without really want to.
I don’t really have any money so buying anything wouldn’t really work….

I’ll be brief, as I’ve found the best way to quit is to completely put it out of your mind. No dwelling on this one today, but yes, I’ve thrown out the cigarettes I had and am now going to try quit. Wish me luck.