raise my self-esteem

I don’t feel self conscious about my physical self. I think im attractive and im fit. I just don’t feel like I would have value to others. I think I have talents and intelligence, but its like the REASON I’m not valuable to others is because I don’t have confidence. I don’t know if that makes any sense… I strive more than anything to be accepted by people, to earn people’s approval. But it brings me anxiety… I feel like people think im making a fool of myself. It causes me to not always look people in the eye, clam up in social situations, and constantly be worried if im saying something stupid or not. And forget approaching girls I’ve never met, even though i think i deserve to be able to.

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I am unique. We all are. We should remember how special we are and not compare ourselves to anyone else. Today I am beautiful, if only to myself.

I have a pretty low self-esteem. I think of myself so much lower than anyone else. I have a horrible habit also. When i go to the mall, or any store, or even when I’m walking through the park, I look at every person who walks past me and wish i had something they had. It could be their abs, their hair, their butt, their arms…..anything on their body. Believe me, i can find something about everyone that i wish i had. I cant wear shorts, or skirts outside because I think my thighs are horrible. I dont wear tank tops without a hoddie over them, or some kind of jacket because i dont want to show my upper arms. Its horrible because i know I shouldnt think this way but i cant help it. This is the major thing i want to change about myself. All the other things are just little things that i plan on doing to accomplish the big goal. Which is to look at my body, and believe that i am beautiful.

If I was not me, and I saw myself walking in the halls at school or somewhere else, I would not think the same thing I think about myself like I am now. I wouldnt be so hard on myself for many different things. Like for example my appearance.. If I saw myself walking around I’d think that I am prettier than I say I am now. Also, I’d say I’m a good drawer and creative. But because I am me and not another person, I’m harder myself, and what I do is never good enough for me. So even if I was someone I look up to, I’d still be hard on myself. (hopefully what i’m saying makes sence to whoevers reading this – i dont know how else to explain.) So basicly I’m not being fair to myself, and now I know what I need to change.

How do you raise up your self esteem if theres this one person who puts you down, but you dont want to let go of them? (no, its not a boyfriend. a best friend actually that’s way too hard on everyone, not only me) In other words, how do you ignore that person/learn to not care what they think?

if your on a downward spiral, you gotta turn that shit around, just know this thoughts, create actions, create emotions, and it goes in a circle thingy, and if you have a negative thoughts, then whats a circle that goes down…a downward spiral, if you change it to positive, then that circle is going up….just know this, there is no rock bottom, so dont wait to hit it, its infinite, you can keep going down and down and down and down, or you can go the other way. it really is your choice.

When I look in the mirror I see a hideous monster, I don’t see a person who’s attractive and that’s fine.. I would classify very few people as being ‘attractive’ The problem is I don’t even see average and that’s not a good way to feel about oneself.

This has caused a chain reaction of problems for me. I don’t talk to girls, because I’m convinced they would want nothing to do with me. I don’t ask them out because I’ve got a major fear of rejection.

I don’t try to improve myself and work on getting a job I like more, because again my lack of self esteem tells me that I’m going to fail anyway.

I worry because I’m nearly out of my 20’s.. these are things that I should have been able to work through years ago and here I am turning 29 later this year and no better off than what I was at 16 or 17.

Hopefully I can break this self defeatist cycle and good things will then come from being able to do so.

With almost 10 pounds of weight loss this goal has definitely been slightly accomplished…I feel so much better. Even if I know I don’t look like a supermodel or anything, I feel better knowing that I work hard to make myself look and feel better, so in the end I still feel better about ME...there was alot of “me” in that statement so I guess my goal is getting some play time…

Everyone I tell that I don’t have very high self-esteem has no idea why, and then they give me a list of reasons why I should have high self-esteem. But as my mom said, nothing anyone can say can raise it. I have to do it myself.