figure myself out

I was up in NH for a weekend my folks let me have the apartment to myself so I could figure myself out it didn’t go that well. I ran out of food ran out of money and my girl friend dumped me when I was there even though i was far from it and all most of the pictures i drew/wrote where about hate and starvation. So I think I really was only seeing emotions and crap not me but just what I was feeling at the time. Im still working on it. Im lost though what to look for i thought i knew but i don’t know anymore

I’ve been making headway on this one lately. The plane ride to mexico city gave me a lot of time to free write, and to draw, and a lot of useful things poured out on the page.

So I ended up making my trip to EWU alone, but it helped with this one in that 6 hours in the car alone is a good time to talk to yourself :D

after years of changing myself and sticking with fads,
i realized that i hated it.
now i am myself – a poptart eating, nature loving, druggless free spirit, i guess you could say.
it’s better that way :]

I confuse people
& sometimes annoy my ownself
I try to be optimistic, I try to be okay,
but at the end of the day i feel the same way.
Not that I’m an unhappy person its just sometimes my mood changes instantly and i can’t figure out why i feel the way i do.

why do i always act so weird in relationships?? no one will ever know, not even me…

Fuck this, I’m too complicated.

here i thought i was beating co-dependency but that’s not the case. i have realized that i derive my sense of self-worth, happiness from my bf – if we have the slightest disagreement, my world comes crashing down. plus, i rely way too much on him for support. he supports me, sure, but i really need to be able to find it within myself because sometimes, i found out tonight, because maybe the lack of your integrity, your bf begins to think you’re all talk and no action. and maybe i have been. i have a new fitness goal.

I think I did it. Not too Shut Mo

I think I did it. Not too Shut Mo