live not just exsist

Me & my fiance have been getting ‘four wall syndrome’ we have been snapping at each other and getting under each others feet as we live and spend ALL and i mean ALL of our free time together. So i have been trying to see my friends more and give him space because, life is about experiencing things and not just working and sleeping which is what some days seem to be like for us – in general i am happy i think we just need to work at giving each other space occasionally as we both have stressful jobs.

Ok, so have been soooooo stressed recently, working and trying to keep my home life running smoothly… missions… anyway feels as though i don’t live anymore but just exsist. work… sleep… work…sleep… work …sleep… it’s all i seem to do and it sucks! Sooooooo i REALLY and i mean REALLY look forward to the weekend and most of all ROCK NIGHT!!! after a hard week all i wanna do is chill with my mates, dance and headbang the night away.

I am trying to complete my ‘43 things’ two of which happen to be: ‘be a better friend’ and ‘make new friends’ hence every week i put on my best dress, my biggest smile and i socialise. I am the shy-ist person EVER but i make the effort to not be for just those four hours a week! i don’t drink and therefore am there sober trying my best to loosen up enough to chat to whoever happens to be out. And nine times out of ten i regret it. For this reason:

Every single week i try to make friends, every single week i get hit on by the very person i’m trying to become friends with, i ALWAYS casualy mention my boyfriend, i ALWAYS casualy mention how ‘great’ it is to meet someone i can get a long with with out them trying to get into my knickers, but by the end of the night they are always trying to persude me to be unfaithful to my boyfriend. Are there no people left out there who understand morals? Every week i come home to my boyfriend feeling guilty when i haven’t done the slightest thing wrong, maybe i’m a flirt and i don’t realise it? – i don’t know, all i know is i feel so lonely, most of my boy mates constantly hit on me and for some reason i just don’t seem to get along with girls, so i have very few girl mates. I just want to be able to make some friends who see me as a person and not as a potential notch on their bed post.