answer 100 questions

The problem with my imagination is that it never rests and never takes a break from totally overwhelming me with beautiful, but totally pointless visions. here I am thinking that I can answer each question in a lovely essay, print it out and scrapbook it! I can see a lovely beautiful project in my brain and I even started regretting that I didn’t use the last 5 months, in which I wasted a lot of time for this. The problem? If I buy into this and start asking pictures of my family and all, I will never get it done, never. The whole point is to do it first thing in the morning, right after meditation, so I can actually let it all out. This is the point: seeing what I can do in a short time, not writing some lovely re-edited essays. I wonder if I should still scrapbook a few entries, though? For instance once in a therapy workshop I actually was asked to scrap-book really fast a few things and I found the result very revealing – as to the images I picked to represent my answers in a very short time. I am beginning to think I can try to include not only writing but also a more creative form of expression, such as drawing or scrapbooking. One thing is for sure:

this is going to be fast, imperfect, spontaneous and unpolished!
the point is to use the process as a way to access my subconscious
the point is to understand myself
I will have plenty of other opportunities to express my feelings and thoughts to others in more refined way

This entry refers to a book, which I picked up about 3 years ago. it contains 100 essential questions about relationships and what you want in life and all that and I think it’s a great way of confronting and asking myself what I want and feel and understanding who I am. I still haven’t started answering those questions, which is weird, but I think the reason is that I have honestly not been able to find the best way to do it. I don’t want to post it online in a blog but somehow I don’t want to keep it all to myself either. One thought I had was to send an email to my boyfriend each day with an essay, so that he can learn more about me. The thing is I am not sure if I really feel comfortable sharing all those intimate details – and I do want to be very honest in my writing. I know that those are all excuses, yups, but yet I am really now sure where to start. still I browsed through some online self-help publications today and they all said that one starts with understanding what one wants. The thing is, this book, teaches what you want should come naturally on top of what you are. It makes total sense to me – of course sometimes I hae wanted things, just because people around me wanted them and then when I was disappointed when I got them I found out that they were not really right for me. The question is – am I ready to face who I am? I am ready to find out that things that I truly, really want and would make me happy may not be the mainstream society obvious choices? I do want to take the journey though. 100. If I do one question a day, let’s say 1st thing in the morning I can do it in 3 months’ time. I wander how I will feel after 3 months when I read this entry again? will I be glad I wrote it and I took the first step or will I be regretting not getting it done?