prove them all wrong

My boss recently told me “All eyes are on you…”. She was talking about the expectations of the company in relation to my promotion and my expected performance. I know that many people are cheering for my success but I also know that there are those that don’t believe that I will succeed. Here’s to proving them all wrong.

I choose what I want to study…not you
I choose what type of career I want…not you

I will graduate with the degree that I will be proud to hold above my head, regardless of what you think…
and
I will show you all what I am capable of…

When I was in 8th grade, I made the decision of going to a Academy High school, majoring in Information Technology. Everyone told me the school was for “retards” and that I wasn’t going to get an education.

Through what I have learned here, I shudder to think that I would have missed out on all of these wonderful experiences and friendships I’ve made in my 3 short years here so far.

I want to prove them all wrong though. I want to go to college, become a 3D Animator and get that internship at Pixar. Then, I want to go back to my middle school and give a speech to kids, telling them that it’s okay to break away from the herd and think outside the box.

I did.

it seems like everyone is jugding. evryone always has an opinion. They think they know the real you, and they either think they can help, or that your a screw up and you’re lost. They “know” you’re not going anywhere. they don’t care – they pretend to, but they don’t really. everything they say is antagonising, belittling, condescending, superiour and aggrivating. they think they know your limits; they’ve mapped out your future, they’ve descided upon your options so that you have no choices, just poor, ready made assumptions about your life that they intend you to live up to. to meld into. to become.

they see me change, they observe me as i handle my parents separation, new step family situations, IB angst. the stress the anger the hate the pain the frustration the harm the suppressed inferno of screams in my head all rive me to react upredicatably. last year i was suspended, this year im looked upon wearily. it doesnt help theyre all psyco.
they say they understand but i say they dont.
they say theyre aware but if thats the case, theyre no longer just dumb but insensitive and disgusting in their methods of handling the sticky situation.
its a shame theyve claimed awareness because now they cant hide behind the sweet drapes of ignorance.
they have no excuse for their stupidity.

last year i had nothing i wanted to live for. i had “the moment”, the need to live for a moment and live in a moment and be happy even if happyness was fleeting, whismical and without thought of consequence. i said exactly what i needed to say.
i wish i was like that still.
now i am scared.
i have expectations, from others, and, now, from myself. i’m in my last year. the moment is companioned spitefully to my future.
i am no longer free.

none of my teachers think i will do well in IB.
its true i didnt try last year. i skipped classes, skipped school, i drank i smoked and i forgot.
i rebelled against every link in every chain that bound me to order and unust regulations.

but im going to prove them wrong.
i will pass IB though i want to run away. i want to leave and be happy again. live on my own terms, on my own…i want to escape.
but i need to prove them wrong first.