assume my life

I’ve been in school for so long, I can’t remember what it’s like to work for a living.

Even now, we say “I can’t go out tonight, I have to work tomorrow” and it’s funny because, we’re not getting paid, we’re doing work, but it counds as learning.

So, in a few weeks, I’ll be home, printing up resumes, getting my interviewing wardrobe together, hitting the bricks and shaking hands (I hope.)

First stop: my best friend’s house, pool-side, with B, the director of the school I want to transfer to.

She said to bother him about an ICU job connection, I guess he knows everyone in the biz.

It’s odd for me to think that I’ve started later than all my other friends I met in school, doing the pre-requisite courses, yet I’m finishing before them. (most of them went off to 4 year BSN programs)

Liminal spaces…always such an odd feeling.

to being done with school. At least for the year I have to work in an ICU.

Maybe even the two months after spring break will be cool, because I will have only one class (case management) and I’ll be doing three 12 hour shifts at the Cardiac Care ICU per week.

It’s going to be great having 4 days off!

And then, working for a year and earning money…that’s going to be very different.

My starting salary will be around 4 times what I earned when I left architecture. This is based on the fact that starting salaries are twice this amount, but working only HALF as many hours as I used to.

The remainder of the year should be better after I survive this hell.

Two more months!

White Coat Ceremony!

That’s when I break free from this crazy fire drill that calls itself my home.

more myself this weekend.

More my old self.
I think it’s the swimming,
and avoiding vexations.

Feels like I can breathe for the
first time in a long time.

That everything I’m doing is for someone else.
I’m living project to project,
deadline to deadline,
task to task.

I’d like to find my pace

...yesterday and there was a song playing by someone I couldn’t recognise. One of the lines was, “It’s hard to live with the choices we make,” or something to that effect. It really summed up a lot of my current feelings.

If anyone knows who the artist is, it sounded like the Goo Goo Dolls or something, I’d appreciate knowing who it was.

I saw a t-shirt at threadless.com that I thought was great reprentation of this. It’s called: Grab Ahold of Life”.

I’m having a hard time with this. I’m not sure what I’m afraid of. Everytime I find myself in a situation where I need to do something about changing my life, I seem to rationalise putting it off, or convince myself that thinking about doing something is part of a necessary preparation. God I’m weak!

Stop – just do it. Don’t think.

I think I’ve gone through a long passive period in my life. I’ve been almost accepting a life which is less than what I want. Something that goes against my ‘motto’ , if I can call it that. In any case, it’s a quote from Thoreau that my mom gave me: ””Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.”