stop being bipolar

So I do weird things like:
running away to Eastern Europe for a bit,
being vegan but wearing a fur coat,
be super good girlfriend but then cheat for a married man,
start and stop smoking,
have irrational eating habits,
be super popular than a superfreak,
change my mind more than underwear,
be happy then sad then happy then sad,

I CANT CONTROL ANYTHING!!! AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
But I know its possible.
My father did it.

You just gotta believe in yourself.
But I also want to be happy.
I want to live a good life.
I’m ready.

I accept myself for the crazy little bleep I am,
I accept that I will do crazy things,
I just want to be happy doing it.

=)

Good luck with you all.

I am on the egde of tellin my boyfriend that its time for us to break up,I cannot let him live with the mood swings and the way i snap at him for no reason.He says i yell and have an attitude in my voice and thats why there are arguements,Sometimes he causes it too.I am under so much stress, and he jus keeps telling me dont worry about it,Breath, just chill, and things like that and sometimes it works, other times it jus makes me madder and more stressed.I seriously just dont know what to do any more I dont want to lose hiom but I also dont want to keep going threw this.

How do you get in? So deep under my skin.
I can’t shake you, though I try,
though I hate you, I’ll just cry,
Until the tears turn into to rage,
and wage internal war for days,
in my wake I will leave pain,
and will have hurt the ones I love again.
I occupy my mind, with ways to over come you.
But when its all said and done I’m still a product of you.
I can’t get away from the misery; caused by raging, screaming bi-polar me.

because friday felt like the end of the world. Monday I’ll be in the doctors office explaining to the dr how I could let myself run out of meds. My answer… my insuranse coverage had lapsed and like the majority of Americans, I can’t afford my meds with out my insurance. And because when I ran out my mind was telling me that maybe it was just a passing phase and I’m better now, in all reality the “passing Phase” has been passing for three years but it doen’s seem to be able to get passed. So I know that I need the meds in order to be calm and positive.
So what is the moral of this story… Its better to be on meds than to pretend like I can handle it on my own.

because I am a raging lunatic some times during the day. I know its because I ran out of meds too. But I feel about two steps away from a padded room, then I’m lauging and its all fine. I hope I am able to get a handle on this disorder before my kids get old enough to think I’m crazy. All the stress from starting college and kicking the habit(ciggarettes) have caused the clouds of a bipolar storm to turn up. I should have made sure my meds were filled and now I have two weeks before the doctor can see me, it kills me they are the ones who told me I’m bipolar, but they need to see again to just make sure? or what?
My luck the dr found another new med he’d like me to try, no thanks, I’ll stick with my last meds, even thugh the dr tells me that if ” you quit taking it, its not working that good”,
the side effects are ofter worse than the disorder. Anyways I gotta keep my head straight, for my kids and myself.

all the time. I haven’t felt this bad for a few weeks but the last few days its been going farther down. I feel like I can’t stand my kids, my man, even myself. I am just miserable. I wish that I could be cured or healed of this ugly disorder, but all I can do is keep changing meds and hope the next will be the “one” for me. I know this is hard for my family, I act so unlovable when it hits. Nothing makes me happy, everything is just too much. And I am a lucky or fortunate person. But for some reason my mind wants me to be unhappy, crying, yelling, confused, angry at everything. It’s like being mentally insane, but everyone saying she looks normal, oh your so pretty you should smile more, you know its not that bad. But all I hear is static and all I want is silence. I wish I could unlock this door and let myself out. I see the sun shining on the other side of the road, but my feet refuse to take me into its warmth.

id really like to not have mood swings every 10 seconds…. itd be great