My daughter told me that today as she was driving the granbeanie to my house the jellybeanie was saying “happy, happy” My daughter asked her what made her “happy, happy” and she said, “Bean Bean” (her name for me). Guess who’s happy happy now? 4 days ago

I somehow misplaced my water bill and just found it at 4:50 today. Of course it’s due TODAY. So I’ll pay it tomorrow and will pay an additional $4. I hate it when I do that! 1 week ago

Mom was a very private person. She didn’t talk about how she felt, what was past, or things like motivations; she just kept on. These things I know: Her father was abusive and mean, her mother was a cupcake, she was closest to her sister, Kate and estranged from her sister, Vera. She could be impatient and dismissive or kind and patient, especially with babies and new mothers. She had no use for most men. She was independent, a hard worker, a voracious reader, a good seamstress and ultimately a very pragmatic woman. She understood more than she talked about and knew when to keep quiet. She was often a pain, sometimes a lifesaver, and occasionally quite charming. She could do the Charleston and the Cha-Cha and I think she had some fun as a young woman. She loved San Francisco, Germany and the mountains in the West. She had great legs and was highly photogenic as a young woman. She drank her coffee with milk, not cream and loved to have a sweet with it. She ate only butter, never margarine. She smoked but quit cold when it offended her.

She was my root and my sheltering branch and I miss her. 1 week ago

So I put together a bag full of papers I don’t trust in the recycling. While doing so I thought to toss a bunch of old – 10-13 years old – checkbooks. Just for giggles I opened one from 2000 and looked at the checks I wrote, thinking how different my earnings/spending patterns were then. There was nothing frivolous. Stuff for the house: termite prevention, AC service, that kind of thing and checks to my kids for their bills. And regular bills. No trips to Europe, no ball gowns, nothing beyond some clay. When I had good money coming in I did not waste it. I need to remind myself of this. It is so easy to get down on myself for being broke. 2 weeks ago

1. Though my car is hosed, my SIL is working on it, spending all his free time, voluntarily.
2. Though my car is hosed, both my daughter and my SO willingly lend me their cars. Not to mention a similar offer by a friend.
3. Though my car is hosed, my boss lets me work from home so I don’t lose more money.
4. I have a wonderful foster family with whom to leave Sweetie while out of town.
5. I get to spend a whole week at the beach with every single person I love.
6. I’ve (finally) lost weight almost effortlessly.
7. I found the papers I need for my driver’s license renewal.

In short, I’m broke and my car is hosed, but I still have an awful lot to be grateful for. I need to remember this and not get so wrapped up in what’s wrong with my life when so much is right. 1 month ago

It’s a small family so there aren’t many of us but my brother and my two daughters will all be together and there’s a possibility that a niece who I have not seen for 30+ years will also be there. So I’ve been going through old family photos to show everyone during our time together. It strikes me that in so many of them we were so happy but so rushed, so focused on what was ahead, or somewhere else. I decided today that I would be happy with the moment, however brief.

So I headed over to the beanie’s house and enjoyed jellybeanie showing me the messy leaves and running to me to get kisses and the granbeanie planning her crafts studio at my house and her mom’s gratitude that I would help with home schooling. She told me that yesterday, after keeping both girls for a few hours, jellybeanie (almost 2) in the car, on the way home, said, “Bye-bye bean-bean’s house. I love it!”

I am so fortunate! 2 months ago

All my life March 5th and the days surrounding it have been about my Mom. She’d have been 103 if she’d lived. All those years driving to see her, calling her, taking her to lunch, and in my younger years, saving up dimes and quarters and shopping for a pin or box of stationary. The day means nothing now, this year just a Tuesday. But, still, I remember. 2 months ago

Seven years ago I watched my elder daughter give birth to a baby girl. Today she turned 7. I watched as she introduced her baby sister to the wonder of balloons, birthday cake and candles. We had a simple snack dinner and I helped with the dishes. I am so lucky. 4 months ago

How routine holidays may become? How we do this, or that, go here or there, eat such or another? See this relative or that friend? I was thinking earlier today how my childhood was like that: go to church, dress up, PRESENTS, walk to Granma’s, uncles drink too much, aunts get mad, it’s cold outside, inside it’s steamy and smells like sausage and cabbage, walk home in the dark, such a long way. I was thinking about this and marveling at how ordinary it seemed at the time and how it will never happen again. Ever. Suddenly it seems like it was much less ordinary.

Tonight we did all the usual things: Go to my daughter’s house for an insanely early dinner so we can go to church early so we can get home to do PRESENTS before the kids get too cranky and have to go to bed, eat German cookies, drink Kalua, and tea and coffee, and watch while the little ones enjoy their gifts and marvel at the ones they made for us. There was nothing ordinary about it and one day these holidays, too, will never happen this way again.

The granbeanie made me magnets from some of the rocks we tumbled and the jellybeanie LOVED the bunzies (old remote controls) I gave her and the Lil’ Guys her sister made her. She stayed up two hours past her bedtime happy as a clam with just those two toys.

Nothing ordinary here. How ‘bout you? Merry Whatever You Observe! 5 months ago

I was newly relocated here. My kids were 8 and 4; my nieces 7 and 5. It was our first Christmas together. So I said we’d make cookies. We’ve done it every year since, some years all 7 kids make it, some years just a few. This year we had to Skype in one niece and her two daughters as they were all down with flu-type illnesses but the cookies all got made and it was so nice to see my beanies helping and this simple tradition going on.

I suspect that way back in some small Ukrainian village my great-grandmother made cookies with my granma and before that, her great-grandmother … Somewhere in a future I will never see my great-great granddaughter will take her kids and maybe those of a sister or sister-in-law and there will be dough and icing and sprinkles and who knows? Maybe a sick sister will participate by hologram! 5 months ago

All my friends on 43T – I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with much to be thankful for. This year I am grateful for four days off, hopefully without illness or injury; another holiday with my ex-in-laws, the beanies and my SO; and the event I’ve been in charge of at work behind me. I look forward to turkey, to cooking, to pie, to laughter and to love. I wish the same for you all. 6 months ago

I remember those who have sacrificed, and their loved ones.

“They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.”

‘For the Fallen’ by Laurence Binyon (1869 – 1943) 6 months ago

I went to an urban high school in NJ that was built on the site of a Revolutionary War fort. The old canon was still mounted there. It overlooked Hudson Bay. I could see Lady Liberty from many of my classrooms. I hope it survives the night. 6 months ago

Memory is so elusive. I was trying to remember the last name of someone I know and like very well. I drew a blank. I am planning a large event for work and feel like I’m drowning in details: did I invite so-and-so? Did they RSVP? – X 200. Why do I have this name and phone number on this slip of paper on my desk? It rings no bell. And yet I remember so well so many things, good and bad, significant and not. I would say that at least half my stress is related to memory. 7 months ago

Exactly five years ago my mom was spending her last night on earth in my spare room. She was 97 and took about 6 weeks to die. My daughter sat with her and sang to her. She was unresponsive by this time but I think she knew because she did not die until morning, when I entered her room. I took her hand. Her breathing had evened out. I knew the end was very near. Her hand was warm though she had been cold for days. I talked to her a little bit and assured her I would be OK on my own. Then she died. I know she heard me. I know she waited for me. I will always be grateful for that.

Though this has been a hard date to face for each of the last five years, I am at peace today knowing I did all I could for her and that she would be glad to know I am, indeed, OK. 7 months ago

Five years ago today my little Honey died, which set my mother reeling to her own death 10 days later. Coincidentally, my marriage officially ended on this date in 1990, though we had been living separately for about a year and a half.

This is the first October since Honey and Mom died that I can say I have felt contentment with my life. There is still sadness but after five years I’m no longer raw. Ad though I feel much more than five years older, I am OK with my life at present. I am not rich; but I’m not broke, either. No one in my life is actively dying. I’m looking forward to at least a partial retirement and I’m making progress (I think) toward regaining pottery. So I am content. 7 months ago

It’s the anniversary of my best friend’s death. I still miss her. She was such a good friend, always ready to listen, silly, kind, and sensitive. She died suddenly shortly after retiring and moving. She never even got to fully unpack. She fell down her basement stairs and died on impact. She was a wonderful woman. 7 months ago

what u dont want done to urself 14 months ago

= reaction = result. 14 months ago

someone stress you out is like letting them live rent free in your head. 14 months ago

by Kyle Cease – Inspirational comedian:

Seriously, if you want anything, all you have to do is show up. Do what you do, and it will happen. Stop trying to get it. That is cutting corners. That gets in the way. Just do your thing. You keep doing what you do, and you can have anything. Only work on what you can do, and let go. Enjoy doing it in that moment. Stop monitoring while you are doing. Results will show up when its time. Also, the results will be bigger than you can imagine, which is why you should stop deciding how it will go. Want the ultimate woman? Become the ultimate man first, and vice versa. Want the ultimate career? Become the best in that field. People will notice. Want the ultimate life? Allow. Stop thinking you are in lack without that thing or person. Just create. Don’t know how? Good. Just start. It will answer itself. Just start. That’s it. 15 months ago

this here as a reminder:

my goal list is full, i dont really want to put anthing on the backburner… i like all the current goals/projects i have been/need to work on. some goals have been on there far to long. so maybe i should start working on those. they are acutally really easy practical goals that would prob take no time to complete. anyway the point i was trying to make, is that i have a goal i want to add to the list but cant because i dont want to remove any current goals!.... sheesh…

so putting it here for now as a reminder…

i want to go to a kid rock concert some day! hopefully soon. either in england (tho im not really sure he has come here much) or otherwise in the US (which would be super cool) if i did that it would have to co-inside with my route 66 holiday goal. do the road trip when i know kid rock is doing a concert in his home town of detroit, which is not far from chicago, so i been told… so go to the usa, go to the concert, and then start the road trip.

sounds awesome to me… gotta dream big :) 18 months ago

how many times u have tried to stop smoking in the past. how many times you failed, not lasting even a day?

well you have been a non smoker for 5 days now my dear. whats the difference?

why was it easier this time?

mind over matter. looking at it from a positive point of view, thinking and speaking positively about stopping, not being negative about it and like you have given something up, or that life will be awful and depressing and you dont know how u will survive.

you honestly thought u couldnt stop smoking, that its too hard, that you will be miserable, that you wont last a day. that you will be unhappy as a non smoker.

well, thats not true is it? im honestly feeling so much better and happier now, for it. nothing changed, there was nothing to give up, instead u got so much back! all the good things. ur health, wealth, happiness, confidence, self respect etc. life actually feels less stressfull now than it did when i smoked, which supposedly helped to relieve the stress, when all it really did was make me more stressed.

you can actually do anything u put ur mind to, if u beleive it, and focus on it, in a positive way, also understand why ur failing at things, where ur going wrong. and also gather quality information that will help u succeed. focus on the positive, dont dwell on negativity. focus on quality thoughts and information, on anything in life.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.
Henry Ford 20 months ago

i want to be doing now and in the near future

travel academy
see seether live in concert early next year 2012
sailing in turkey 2012
explore SA at some point
gym
spend more times out doors when the weather is good
quit smoking
better nutrition
work on friendships and socialising
less online time
actually do the things i say i want to do, the enjoyable small things, like buy the puzzle, buy the painting print. make the choc coffee cup, develop the photos and more etc. all the stuff on my goals list so i can enjoy accomplishing them and seeing and enjoying the finished product but also just being able to finally take them off my list and say i accomplished them. they are all do-able i just forget to do them or do not focus on or make the time to do them! instead i am usually wasting my time online, being unproductive and acheiving nothing! 20 months ago