I´m here in Peru. It´s actually been going pretty well as far as ministry goes which is pretty awesome. Lives are being changed for the better, people being healed, folks getting delivered, captives set free, signs wonders- the whole nine. I still have foun myself wondering if I made the right decision- I know that I did , ut there´s this… I dunno. The kids are pretty great, I get along with my co-leader, my PDs are… here, so that´s good. I dunno I´m probably trippin or something, but it´s whatevs. I wish I had some deep thoughts about stuff, but I just don´t. Nothing- for the first time in a while I can pull nothing newly profound out. I´m glad I´m here and everything so I dunno that´s it. It may be because I´ve been a little sickly for the past couple days, but it´s cool. I thought I would die yesterday, but I made it through. Today a lot is feeling better and alot is feeling worst. It doesn´t make a difference. The point is that I don´t feel like I´ve gotten tons of fresh revelation while on this trip thus far. When I sit down in my quiet time I hear things that I already know I guess it´s just because I need those things to be reinforced in me. My prayer is really that we´ll grow. Okay the only thing- random- that I´ve been thinkin about or asking for is that the would be actual unity and not just a united front amongs the leadership team, but really thats all. So I can´t believe that we found a random internet cafe in the middle of nowhere and nothing-not even close… oh well
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...is probably amongst the most quoted verses in the Bible: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen” powerful within itself right? Everyone always wants evidence, you know kinda “I’ll believe if somebody gives me some concrete proof” which just as a side note, it amazes me that people act as if they do God a favor by believeing in Him. Unlike most positions in the world, God does not need our belief in order to be who He is, He just is God. If everyone in the world decided that they no longer wish to aknowledge or respect George W. Bush as the president of the United States then he would no longer have the power of the office; it’s only by our yielding to the general concensus that he is president. You know, can’t be a leader if no one follows. God, however, if no one ever again chooses to believe in Him, will still be God. It’s my priviledge to know Him and have knowledge of Him… WTW? Human beings are amazing… NEway, back to the point, That verse makes clear that Faith is the evidence. “Well how do you know God is real? How do you know this for sure, how do you know that, where’s the proof?” I know it by faith. My faith is my proof, it’s my evidence it’s my supporting documents. So to my real point, I really love the stuff that follows that verse. The writer just goes off on a list of important things in history that were done only by faith. He says by faith Abraham did this, Noah did that, Moses did the other thing. It just gives me sooo much joy to know that I am following in the footsteps of some mighty people. It was by faith and faith alone that Abraham left his home, leaving behind loved ones and a hefty inheritence. It made so much sense for him to just stay where he was and keep the security of the life that he’d always planned for himself. Instead, he packed up his stuff a few folk and just left, no idea where he was going, just trusting that this God who’d told him to go would provide for his needs. It was by faith that Noah began to build an ark in the middle of dry land where rain was yet unheardof trusting God as the people around him called him crazy for spending all his time, effort and money on something that seemed stupid. It just all gets me way too excited. I will go wherever He calls me. It doesn’t make sense, sometimes it seems like I’m setting out with no real clear destination. I’m leaving the security of a lucrative medical career, leaving behind my loved ones and the comfort of home, i have no idea how it all works out, no one’s ever done this before, people around me think I’m either insane, stupid or both, none of it makes any earthly sense, but by faith I will follow… wherever He leads I will go… Maybe I’m crazy, but I am literally putting up my life; I am betting my life that what I’ve found is truth. Everyone is really betting their lives on something. If you are not a believer, you are betting your life that it all ends at what we see and that there is no afterlife in which you will reap the death and damnation that we all so richly deserve. We all have to go all in on something and by faith i’m gonna go with the Lord. I bet my life that there is something beyond this tangible world; that if i am steadfast in the faith I will be afforded God’s mercy to save me from the death and hell that I deserve and His grace to reap the eternal reward of abundant life in His presence.
... just to get confirmation that you’re headed in the right direction. I really believed I was being God-lead in my decision to move to TN and all that stuff, but there is always that little tiny echo of doubt that arises. To make matters even more… interesting I had absolutely no idea how all these things were gonna get done and paid for. It’s still not all the way clear, but just as a sign of His faithfulness God has literally been just like sending me checks in the mail. I’ve gotten scholarships and stipends some of which I didn’t even apply for this year. I dunno it may not seem that amazing, but it is such a huge confirmation to me that I’m on the right path; I am not crazy and that God really does want me to do this even though it makes absolutely no sense. I’m pretty excited not just about what He’s already done, but I’m excited because I know that the best is yet to come! Wow…
Sometimes, for a very short time I wish that I could be normal again. I wish that I could just call up my old friends and just go out like old times… kinda like I’ve been feeling today. I, however, could never do that. Not because my friends wouldn’t welcome me back with open arms, or not because I couldn’t go to any random bar or club in this city and meet new and exciting people and have a wild night on the town, but because I know too much. God has brought me too far, through too much and has shown me too much about Himself for me to ever go back to living a life of emptiness facaded by wildness. I tried that life and God delivered me from it and gave me a life with eternal purpose. The things I do now actually make a difference not only in the world, but my life’s work will impact eternity! That’s crazy… I am dedicating my life to God… insane. I just want to be all He has for me to be. I want to get to the gates of glory and stand flat-footed and say that I did absolutely everything I could with my life. More than anything I want my life to bring glory to God; I want God to be proud of me. I’ve done so much to cause shame and pain that I can never undo… but with what I have left of life I will committ to going wherever God leads me. I will not be ashamed of the gospel; I will take it to the ends of the earth! I promise
