have someone tell me it's going to be ok

...but it’s been done to me. And that’s all I really needed, I guess. So, thanks to everyone who participated and thanks even those who didn’t but meant to or thought about it or wished they had or meant to but never found the time or the right words. And thanks even to those who really didn’t at all, who never wanted to or just read this and thought, “what the hell?” – thanks to those people too.

...we have this great capacity to wallow in our own depression? An amazing ability for self-pity?

I’ve spent the last few days enjoying watching films that make me cry. To the point that I watched Elizabethtown twice back-to-back. It’s almost as though I need an exterior, virtual story to get it out. It feels almost strange. Is it?

I will say this: I feel slightly better afterwards.

I say to myself
Self, why are you awake again? It’s one a.m.
Standing with the fridge door wide open, staring
Such a sight, florescent light
The stars are bright
Might make a wish, if I believed in that shit
As it is, I might watch TV
Cause it’s nice to see people more messed up than me
I say to myself, as I smile at the wall, let myself fall

It’s gonna be all right, no matter what they say
It’s gonna be a good day, just wait and see
It’s gonna be okay, cause I’m okay with me
It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be, it’s gotta be

I shiver, shut the door
Can’t think standing here no more
I’m alone, my mine’s racing, heart breaking
Can you be everything I need you to be?
Can you protect me like a daughter?
Can you love me like a father?
Can you drink me like water?
Say I’m like the desert, just hotter.

The point of it all
Is that if I should fall
Still you’re name I’ll call

It’s gonna be all right, no matter what they say
It’s gonna be a good day, just wait and see
It’s gonna be okay, cause I’m okay with me
It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be

As long as we laugh out loud
Laugh like we’re mad
Cause this crazy, mixed up beauty is all that we have
Because what’s love but an itch we can’t scratch, a joke we can’t catch
But still we laugh

I go back upstairs, turn off the TV
You say “I’ll be okay baby, just wait and see.”

It’s gonna be all right, it’s gonna be okay
Gonna be a good day, just wait, just see
Gonna okay, cause I’m okay with me
It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be, it’s gonna be…

...phone call last night. Well, I made the call because I wanted to talk to someone (obviously ;-)). But it turns out that person didn’t want to talk to me. I see how much I hurt her and that’s the last thing I wanted to do. It’s truely unfortunate that she has been caught in middle of something that had absolutely nothing to do with her. It’s not her fault and if I could, I would do everything in my power to eliminate her pain.

So, for the moment, I’m more worried about things being ok for someone else.

...I had someone say this to me, more or less, yesterday. She’s a great person and I value her friendship very much.

Tell myself that it’s going to be OK.