spend time productively

Feel like giving myself a big cheer! Because I have achieved so much in the past ten days. Finished my two modules, Experiment & Practice and the documentary, and we’ve made a lot of progress on the house. I have been spending far more of my time productively, rather than sleeping too much, or spending too much time on here. It is a great site, but I need to be careful not to become too distracted, as I had been.

I feel so good about myself now, and the better I feel, the more I achieve, and so I feel even more great – and so on! This goal has been a huge help, simple wording but enormously effective.

Tomorrow, May 30th, I need to really crack on with two major things. Finish sorting every room out, ready to keep it that way forever. I really cannot bear to live in an untidy, messy home any more; in contrast I so love that calming, uplifting feeling when I walk into an organised, welcoming, tidy room.

Secondly, finish all my Uni work on the media arts side.

It’s going to be such hard work, it is unfortunate that we need to sort the house in a rush like this, just when my Uni deadlines crop up. But that’s depression/disorganisation/dreaded apathy for you!

Today has been such a good, confidence boosting day. Having felt quite miserable the last few days, as I type this I feel so much better, much stronger. Went to a counselling session this morning, and that went extremely well, I started it crying and ended it smiling!

After this, saw my tutor about my coursework, and deadlines, feeling fired up and ready to work hard over the next two weeks. Lots to do! Only concern is having the home to prepare for the second inspection too – but the lads will help me with that.

I’m feeling nicely tired, off to bed ready for another productive day tomorrow – and at some point entering on here the key points I learnt today, from the counsellor, to help feel so much better and be able to defeat the negative thoughts that lead to depression.

Yesterday I worked hard at college, and went in today for a short time, but neither was very productive. The developing didn’t seem to go well yesterday, and today I processed a 36 frame film, and it hadn’t worked at all! All those photos disappeared. Can’t think where I went wrong, I sat there going over the steps and I’m sure they were all done accurately. The only thing I can think of is that maybe the film wasn’t winding on, although the digital display showed the numbers as going up as each photo was taken.

I am having a rest tomorrow, will work on my workbook, and then go in early Monday to do more. What I do feel is that although the last two days were not actually very ‘productive’, the actual work was put in – which is a great improvement on sleeping too much, or when I procrastinate all day!

Another good, productive day. Left the house at 8.15, walked to the station, got to Uni by half nine – and stayed until half six! Saw my tutor, thought I might be too late for the exhibition coming up, but to my relief she said it isnt too late. As I did my first year at a different Uni, and have been unwell, I’m on a steep learning curve and my work might not be quite good enough. But I fully accept this, I was more concerned that I would not even be able try, through being unwell and disorganised. If it isn’t up to disply standard – the exhibition is open to the public – I’m fine with that, importantly at least I would have tried.

Worked in the developing room all day! Apart from lunchtime, when I strolled into the city centre, there was a pleasant, relaxed atmosphere with people sitting, enjoying the sunshine. By the end of the day I had printed off contact sheets, and a number of full size prints – am very pleased with how they are looking. Still find it exciting to develop and print my own photos, it’s a wonderful feeling to look at a photo and know you’ve produced it totally yourself, from scratch. More hard work in the developing room tomorrow…

Very pleased with work I did today, for Uni. Worked in the darkroom, worked in the library, then worked at home! So a good productive day, for Uni work.

Why do I spend time wastefully rather than working to make true, make a reality, the life I want? Why do I let past hurts hold me back, allow frustrations to meddle with my mind and stop me being the energetic hard working focused me I want to be?